Okay, to actually discuss specifics of the new song - and obviously others opinions will vary from my own.
1. The background vocals are, well, unsatisfying. One of the hallmarks of Van Halen (and this is true of both the viable previous editions) was MA's voice, and its absence is felt here.
2. Ed's tone has become remarkably generic. He doesn't sound like Ed. Perfectly serviceable hard rock tones, but they could just as easily be anyone. Of course, it may be that Ed's hearing ain't what it once was, having stood in front of walls of cabs for years. So perhaps we're stuck with the engineer's or producer's or mastering tech's preference for EQ, compression, etc. Anyway, it's kinda short on vinegar, if you know what I mean.
3. Dave's vocals doubled at the chorus - well, not my thing.
4. Ed's technique - I suppose since he's been playing for fifty years, he can be forgiven for sounding like he's just doing Ed-schtick, but there was none of the "Holy crap, how's he gonna hold it together through the end of that solo?" riskiness. THen again, there hasn't been much of that since 1984 (or arguably 5150), so I suppose this is rather a tardy criticism.
5. And maybe this is an unreasonable critique for a band that first found fame in the late 70's, also, but where's the sexuality, the danger? Maybe the lyrics allude to it, but the dudes aren't feeling it. Pop a Cialis before your next session, dudes.
6. I hear the riff (bomp! bomp! ba-BAH-dum!) but I don't hear a hook. It's just not that great of a pop song.
Anyway, it's my opinion, and worth what you paid for it...
Bagman