My low profile on the board kinda-explained

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
There used to be a time when I was almost part of the forumcode itself here; I read everything and commented on nearly everything too. Those times are behind me for the better part, partly because I have little to tell; I love to read though, but having to say with every build or update 'I soooo luv that' get's a bit old. There are other reasons though, why I'm not here as often as I used to be. I don't just comment less, I read a lot less too, and perhaps miss a lot in the process. I just wanted you guys to give a heads up on what went on in '11.

The year of our Lord 2011 (oh god am I getting some faith, or is it the late hour + classical music on speakers talking?!) was my 'annus horribilis'. The year started all alone, and ended just the same way, though with a slight change. On 1 january '11 my girlfriend felt the need to leave me at home and go out to have a party. I'm dreadfully afraid of fireworks and usually don't go outside if it's not necessary until 2 january, or when the cleaning company has cleaned away all the old firework debris. By leaving she knowingly left me alone. She went out to party on my birthday, she went out to party on my mum's birthday; she was invited for a b-day dinner at my mum's place, she and I went, but she rushed through the dinner, stuffing herself as fast as possible just to get out. My mother's birthday is also the anniversary of the death of my best friend, and she know's that. Yet, she felt compelled to go out on a party.  Despite her uncanny actions I wanted to give the relationship a go.

In november '11 she just couldn't take it, and broke up with me. That is fucked up, we have all experienced that before, but in our case it's a bit more complicated. My home, to which I've moved to be with HER in the first place, to be in her town, to live together with her, is very close to her parent's home and she wants to grow old here. The renting contract is on my name, though, and she wants to force me out of this house; my house. She disagrees and claims it's her house just as much as it is mine. Well, if that's the case why should I be the one moving?

So she had her parents barge in my home, have them verbally abuse me, and force me to sign a contract in which she will be also part owner. I haven't signed that piece of garbage. yet. They promise(d) to go and search for a house for me, with the same parameters as my current place (i.e.: same price, same amount of space, same kind of area in the city). I don't mind moving, I want to get rid of her, but I mind their mindset and attitude. Everything has become my fault and to push it even farther, she has lied about her grounds on dumping me to her parents and friends. No, I did not cheat, though she tells her friends that casually. No I did not hit her cat or mine for that matter, but she tells people I did so anyway. She read some of my emails, texts and chatlogs to concoct up a 'truth'. I don't know how it's done in the USA, but here we have a law called 'secrecy of letters'. No person is allowed to open mail, analog or digital, without the expressed approval of the addressee. She opened my letters and read my digital mail without my permission. Her argumentation was that since she lived in my place she had that right; no, she doesn't.

Playing guitar became a way of letting it all go. The moment she discovered that she became a b*tch about playing guitar, too. Too loud, too noisy, too metally, too jazzy, too rocky. I went to conservatory for classical singing, yet she claims my singing is bad anyway. Thats like a contradition in terms, even so because she just can't duplicate or hold a pitch herself. I have met a nice girl who has practically the same mindset as I do when it comes to music, literature, culture, arts... My ex-gf is making 'our' lives a living hell. Despite the fact that she and I aren't together (yet) and are just enjoying eachother's company, my ex is making my life a living hell.

So, now you know :) thats why I haven't been here as much as I used to.
 

erogenousjones17

Senior member
Messages
1,709
I've said it before and I'll say it again: People suck.

Too bad for your crummy year, and though it sounds awfully cliche, I'm sure things will pick up. Stick with the things that make you happy -- guitar, your potential new "lady friend", etc. -- and f**k all the other stuff. Life's too short to let anyone else get you down.

Cheers!  :eek:ccasion14:
 

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
The parents of my ex-GF are forcing me to sign that. in return, they'll be on the lookout for a new home for me. Fine by me. The sooner they find something the better is; it's for our mutual benefit; I wont sign that piece of scrap before I get my own home, though.

In the mean time I'll seriously enjoy the company of my lady-friend... we see eachother at least once a week, and this week it's been three or four times; I lost track.

and guitar? I wish! I just get inspiration when it's too late :(
 

stubhead

Senior member
Messages
4,669
Nobody can force you to sign anything. You should contact your landlord and let him know that as you are the sole signer, nothing will change after she moves out. The you start the eviction process - HER eviction, and as both her parents have threatened you and she has become verbally abusive, you need a restraining order on both her and her parents. When she is not allowed with 500 meters of you, and you're living in YOUR house (re the lease) that settles the question of who's moving out.

And she has violated LAWS regarding mail - this absolutely needs to be PRESENTED to the police, so they can prosecute. You've gotta get real here, dude. If you sign that paper, you're dogmeat - they aren't going to do jack-shite for you. Now, there has absolutely GOT to be some legal aid organization in your country, and they can be very helpful to you - there may be FREE services, or just the advice of how to handle it.

If this were me, I'd take that piece of paper and burn it - there is no legal principal for you to "give" part of a rental house to her! This is just maneuvering on their part. They think that if they wave pieces of paper around and yell gobbledygook real loud they'll be impressive like those big lawyer-guys on the TV. And you will wilt you like a precious little hothouse flower. That piece of paper is nonsense, I mean, even if a judge saw it... even if you did sign it, it's legally meaningless.

Let's summarize: you fell hard for the saucy little spawn of Satan, but both she and her parents have behaved aggressively enough that you fear for your safety (and the safety of your possessions - THINK here, kid). You need to talk to your landlord, explain that the person piggybacking onto YOUR LEASE has become irrational, and tell him that you need the locks changed on all the doors - which you will be happy to pay for or even do yourself, though it's likely he has a preferred way of doing it. And you need to get down to the police station, tell them about the violations of your secrecy law. But more important, GET THE GODDAM RESTRAINING ORDER. She won't be allowed within a certain distance of you, if it's anything like how ours work. It'll be tough for her to claim the house when she's not allowed within 500 meters. :laughing7:

Look, they don't have a pot to piss in and they KNOW it, that's why they're "promising" to find you a new home. THINK - why wouldn't they just get a new home for Ms. Satan?  :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: You need to hit them hard and fast with everything -
1) the restraining order;
2) change  the locks (if she then breaks in, well she's a felony-committing fool)
3) the violation of the "secrecy of letters" law, though unless she printed some it may be he-said-she-said, i.e. no proof. You can look through her stuff, huh? She looked through yours... :evil4:

You KNOW she lies easily and facilely about the breakup, perhaps even with pleasure. Over here we call that a sociopath, but more importantly, who taught HER to lie like that? Mater & Pater, of course. You can't trust them for anything, they will do everything in their power to see their daughter WINS

But if you play this right, by this Wednesday, Friday at the latest, you can be peaceably sitting in your house with your new girl and playing your guitar as loud as you like.

(I would be playing as loud as I liked RIGHT NOW, too.  :cool01:)

On second thought, DON'T burn that idiotic "document" - it's evidence, make several copies, bring one to the police station Monday, as an example of the harassment they're imposing. And never, ever say anything in anger to the Satan-Spawn, just smile, nod. And turn up your amp.
 

Rickgrxbass

Senior member
Messages
409
That really sucks mate. I agree, don't sign anything with them; if she (ex-gf) isn't on the lease, she has no rights with it, let alone her mother.

I can empathize to a point; I was going to post my own 2011 sob story, but since you already posted this, here's mine:

After a relatively positive 2010 holiday season, my wife of 3 years (and GF/Fiancee for the 7 years prior) decides on January 4th, 2011 (I remember this because it's also the day my kid sister went into rehab for drugs/alcohol) to bugger off; completely pull up roots and give up on our marriage. Very little forewarning, but it was really just par for the course for her; anything she's ever been a part of (jobs, school, and, as it turns out, marriage) she completely gives up on at the first sign of difficulty. Since I'm the breadwinner, I got to keep the house, both cars (she couldn't afford the payment, so her mom gave her an old car back), two dogs and two cats. It really was an anti-country album, in retrospect. After her spending the past year in a dumpy studio apartment (which I had to hear about during our divorce talks, since, you know, it's my fault her dumbass decided to leave), best I can tell right now she's moved back with her mom.

Meanwhile, my boss at work decided to leave in June (corporate culture and whatnot), so I've been working 80 hours a week for the last seven months. The bright side here is (a) I got promoted to manager and (b) I made more in overtime last year than my ex-wife earned the entire year in 2010.

/end csb
 
Messages
8,318
We all make choices.  Some good, some not so good.  There's an American saying, "You sleep in the bed you make." Maybe an adult going overboard for a teenaged girl wasn't the most prudent choice.

I'm sure you had a support group advising that your actions may have been impulsive and moving a bit too fast.  If they weren't, they should've been.

Good luck with a solution that doesn't leave a permanent mark.  Her accusations sound pretty serious.  Legal systems seem to side with age and gender, especially when parents reiterate the same thing.
 

m4rk0

Senior member
Messages
5,383
Sorry to hear that Orf, hope things will work out for you soon!!

Having said that..... het leeftijds verschil is altijd een beetje riskant natuurlijk.. ze heeft het grootste gedeelte van de puberteit met jou doorgebracht en krijgt nu opeens de drang om te feesten en dergelijke... een periode die jij waarschijnlijk al achter de rug had toen je haar ontmoette. Het is natuurlijk beter dat dit nu is gebeurd ipv 10 jaar in een huwelijk en 2 kinderen!!
Maar dat praat uiteraard nog niet goed hoe zij en haar familie je nu behandelen.. veel sterkte er mee!!

ps, begrijp me niet verkeerd,  ik bekritiseer je keuze voor een jonger meisje niet, want er zijn hier vast heel wat ouwe bokken op dit forum die ook wel een jonger blaadje zouden lusten haha!
 

stubhead

Senior member
Messages
4,669
There's a process that you have to go through - I worked for a few divorce lawyers not too long ago. Her parents are convinced that you are an abusive, cat-kicking monster, because they're going solely on her word. One of the reasons you go to the police NOW is because as long as she's got a key, they may try to plant drugs on you (if you do have any, GET RID OF THEM AND ALL PARAPHERNALIA NOW). NOW NOW NOW! Just give it to somebody. And tell the police you are worried about this, because she has some drug-using friends and could get it easily, and is probably on them right now. If you find something in your house that looks like drugs, don't touch it - fingerprints. Call the cops! Weird, huh?

Another Standard Operating Procedure is to hang a "driving while intoxicated" charge on you. They may know a favorite pub of yours, they may even have the gall to invite you to a "let's all be adults" dinner meeting and call the police when you leave, telling them that a drunk driver almost hit somebody and give them your license plate number. Remember they think you're lower than dirt, a cat-hater, you've boinked their sweet innocent daughter and you'll need to PAY for that, you monster - she's probably told them you hit her... a teenage girl's mind is a scary place. And you won't be able to do much from a jail cell.

She is going to have all her friends on her side, and her parents. You know she is fabricating some stuff already. You really, really need to get the facts lined up in a written narrative, and get that to the police, your friends, and I hate say it, but you may need a lawyer. If you have any friends in the profession, you may find a guitar-playing one and kiss one of your sweeties goodby. It hasn't gotten to that point, but YOU need to get ahead of this. If you do have a lawyer friend, (that SHE doesn't know)  lay this thing out for him, and ask if you could simply use his letterhead and address. The next time her parents come around, you just say "talk to my lawyer." That might be ALL it takes.

Ask yourself "What she told her parents to get them so angry?" For one, she's told them that she was a virgin till you showed up, she's told them that you were abusive towards her, probably told them that you were on drugs (setting up the plant by one of her friends). You need to get the facts down on paper, make multiple copies and give them to three or four people. Otherwise, if she can hang a charge on you, it'll look like you're the one making stuff up.

A very large portion of her parent's role is likely to be that they don't want her moving back in with them...  :laughing7: Just in thinking about the divorces of friends of mine, if it was an acrimonious split, the "substance abuse" stuff came up in at least half of them. If this has any bearing (DON'T ANSWER) her parent may be trying to keep you from getting MORE sweet little girls hooked on drugs. This is like a chess game, only everybody loses. You have to minimize your stake in it.
 

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
Marko said:
Sorry to hear that Orf, hope things will work out for you soon!!

Having said that..... het leeftijds verschil is altijd een beetje riskant natuurlijk.. ze heeft het grootste gedeelte van de puberteit met jou doorgebracht en krijgt nu opeens de drang om te feesten en dergelijke... een periode die jij waarschijnlijk al achter de rug had toen je haar ontmoette. Het is natuurlijk beter dat dit nu is gebeurd ipv 10 jaar in een huwelijk en 2 kinderen!!
Maar dat praat uiteraard nog niet goed hoe zij en haar familie je nu behandelen.. veel sterkte er mee!!

ps, begrijp me niet verkeerd,  ik bekritiseer je keuze voor een jonger meisje niet, want er zijn hier vast heel wat ouwe bokken op dit forum die ook wel een jonger blaadje zouden lusten haha!

haha, ik heb m'n ex goed te pakken genomen door nu met een nog (ietsjes!!!!) jonger meisje te daten. 'zo, ik heb je ingeruild voor een jonger exemplaar!". gewoon om te stangen. is natuurlijk niet waar, maar ok.

Wat haar leeftijd betreft: ze was al flink into 'uit gaan' toen ik haar ontmoette, en vond 't niet leuk meer zei ze, bla bla. ik weet niet precies wat het is, ze is gewoon omgetoverd naar een heks. een verschrikkelijk persoon.
 

TBurst Std

Senior member
Messages
2,664
Orpheo, this all sounds like the worst soap opera ever.
Bottom line and some facts:
If your name is on the lease and not hers, tell her goodbye. Her parents come into the issue, tell them to waste some of their money to understand the law. And to F Off.
BY NO MEANS sign ANYTHING without legal council.
Oh and forget any slander they may bring against you. They want you to get caught up in the legalities of it. The fact is, the people who know who will easily recognize the truth. Let them say what they ant. They will be recognized as the fools they are in quick terms.

And if you just need someone to talk to, PM me.
 

thebutcher85

Senior member
Messages
427
StubHead said:
Nobody can force you to sign anything. You should contact your landlord and let him know that as you are the sole signer, nothing will change after she moves out. The you start the eviction process - HER eviction, and as both her parents have threatened you and she has become verbally abusive, you need a restraining order on both her and her parents. When she is not allowed with 500 meters of you, and you're living in YOUR house (re the lease) that settles the question of who's moving out.

And she has violated LAWS regarding mail - this absolutely needs to be PRESENTED to the police, so they can prosecute. You've gotta get real here, dude. If you sign that paper, you're dogmeat - they aren't going to do jack-shiteeee for you. Now, there has absolutely GOT to be some legal aid organization in your country, and they can be very helpful to you - there may be FREE services, or just the advice of how to handle it.

If this were me, I'd take that piece of paper and burn it - there is no legal principal for you to "give" part of a rental house to her! This is just maneuvering on their part. They think that if they wave pieces of paper around and yell gobbledygook real loud they'll be impressive like those big lawyer-guys on the TV. And you will wilt you like a precious little hothouse flower. That piece of paper is nonsense, I mean, even if a judge saw it... even if you did sign it, it's legally meaningless.

Let's summarize: you fell hard for the saucy little spawn of Satan, but both she and her parents have behaved aggressively enough that you fear for your safety (and the safety of your possessions - THINK here, kid). You need to talk to your landlord, explain that the person piggybacking onto YOUR LEASE has become irrational, and tell him that you need the locks changed on all the doors - which you will be happy to pay for or even do yourself, though it's likely he has a preferred way of doing it. And you need to get down to the police station, tell them about the violations of your secrecy law. But more important, GET THE GODDAM RESTRAINING ORDER. She won't be allowed within a certain distance of you, if it's anything like how ours work. It'll be tough for her to claim the house when she's not allowed within 500 meters. :laughing7:

Look, they don't have a pot to piss in and they KNOW it, that's why they're "promising" to find you a new home. THINK - why wouldn't they just get a new home for Ms. Satan?  :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: You need to hit them hard and fast with everything -
1) the restraining order;
2) change  the locks (if she then breaks in, well she's a felony-committing fool)
3) the violation of the "secrecy of letters" law, though unless she printed some it may be he-said-she-said, i.e. no proof. You can look through her stuff, huh? She looked through yours... :evil4:

You KNOW she lies easily and facilely about the breakup, perhaps even with pleasure. Over here we call that a sociopath, but more importantly, who taught HER to lie like that? Mater & Pater, of course. You can't trust them for anything, they will do everything in their power to see their daughter WINS

But if you play this right, by this Wednesday, Friday at the latest, you can be peaceably sitting in your house with your new girl and playing your guitar as loud as you like.

(I would be playing as loud as I liked RIGHT NOW, too.  :cool01:)

On second thought, DON'T burn that idiotic "document" - it's evidence, make several copies, bring one to the police station Monday, as an example of the harassment they're imposing. And never, ever say anything in anger to the Satan-Spawn, just smile, nod. And turn up your amp.
StubHead said:
There's a process that you have to go through - I worked for a few divorce lawyers not too long ago. Her parents are convinced that you are an abusive, cat-kicking monster, because they're going solely on her word. One of the reasons you go to the police NOW is because as long as she's got a key, they may try to plant drugs on you (if you do have any, GET RID OF THEM AND ALL PARAPHERNALIA NOW). NOW NOW NOW! Just give it to somebody. And tell the police you are worried about this, because she has some drug-using friends and could get it easily, and is probably on them right now. If you find something in your house that looks like drugs, don't touch it - fingerprints. Call the cops! Weird, huh?

Another Standard Operating Procedure is to hang a "driving while intoxicated" charge on you. They may know a favorite pub of yours, they may even have the gall to invite you to a "let's all be adults" dinner meeting and call the police when you leave, telling them that a drunk driver almost hit somebody and give them your license plate number. Remember they think you're lower than dirt, a cat-hater, you've boinked their sweet innocent daughter and you'll need to PAY for that, you monster - she's probably told them you hit her... a teenage girl's mind is a scary place. And you won't be able to do much from a jail cell.

She is going to have all her friends on her side, and her parents. You know she is fabricating some stuff already. You really, really need to get the facts lined up in a written narrative, and get that to the police, your friends, and I hate say it, but you may need a lawyer. If you have any friends in the profession, you may find a guitar-playing one and kiss one of your sweeties goodby. It hasn't gotten to that point, but YOU need to get ahead of this. If you do have a lawyer friend, (that SHE doesn't know)  lay this thing out for him, and ask if you could simply use his letterhead and address. The next time her parents come around, you just say "talk to my lawyer." That might be ALL it takes.

Ask yourself "What she told her parents to get them so angry?" For one, she's told them that she was a virgin till you showed up, she's told them that you were abusive towards her, probably told them that you were on drugs (setting up the plant by one of her friends). You need to get the facts down on paper, make multiple copies and give them to three or four people. Otherwise, if she can hang a charge on you, it'll look like you're the one making stuff up.

A very large portion of her parent's role is likely to be that they don't want her moving back in with them...  :laughing7: Just in thinking about the divorces of friends of mine, if it was an acrimonious split, the "substance abuse" stuff came up in at least half of them. If this has any bearing (DON'T ANSWER) her parent may be trying to keep you from getting MORE sweet little girls hooked on drugs. This is like a chess game, only everybody loses. You have to minimize your stake in it.

dude!sorry you're having troubles, but I agree with Stub here, stand up for yourself! Don't stand for all that horse$h*t! I say this with love & respect: Man up! That chick and her parents sound like evil, soul-sucking demon-spawns, and need to be put in their place!

Anyway, good luck with it all, hope it works out good for you.
 

thebutcher85

Senior member
Messages
427
oh, and stop finding "girls" to go out with, and get yourself a Woman! when I realized this it changed my life.  :icon_thumright:
 

mgaut051

Senior member
Messages
660
thebutcher85 said:
StubHead said:
Nobody can force you to sign anything. You should contact your landlord and let him know that as you are the sole signer, nothing will change after she moves out. The you start the eviction process - HER eviction, and as both her parents have threatened you and she has become verbally abusive, you need a restraining order on both her and her parents. When she is not allowed with 500 meters of you, and you're living in YOUR house (re the lease) that settles the question of who's moving out.

And she has violated LAWS regarding mail - this absolutely needs to be PRESENTED to the police, so they can prosecute. You've gotta get real here, dude. If you sign that paper, you're dogmeat - they aren't going to do jack-shiteeeee for you. Now, there has absolutely GOT to be some legal aid organization in your country, and they can be very helpful to you - there may be FREE services, or just the advice of how to handle it.

If this were me, I'd take that piece of paper and burn it - there is no legal principal for you to "give" part of a rental house to her! This is just maneuvering on their part. They think that if they wave pieces of paper around and yell gobbledygook real loud they'll be impressive like those big lawyer-guys on the TV. And you will wilt you like a precious little hothouse flower. That piece of paper is nonsense, I mean, even if a judge saw it... even if you did sign it, it's legally meaningless.

Let's summarize: you fell hard for the saucy little spawn of Satan, but both she and her parents have behaved aggressively enough that you fear for your safety (and the safety of your possessions - THINK here, kid). You need to talk to your landlord, explain that the person piggybacking onto YOUR LEASE has become irrational, and tell him that you need the locks changed on all the doors - which you will be happy to pay for or even do yourself, though it's likely he has a preferred way of doing it. And you need to get down to the police station, tell them about the violations of your secrecy law. But more important, GET THE GODDAM RESTRAINING ORDER. She won't be allowed within a certain distance of you, if it's anything like how ours work. It'll be tough for her to claim the house when she's not allowed within 500 meters. :laughing7:

Look, they don't have a pot to piss in and they KNOW it, that's why they're "promising" to find you a new home. THINK - why wouldn't they just get a new home for Ms. Satan?  :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: :icon_scratch: You need to hit them hard and fast with everything -
1) the restraining order;
2) change  the locks (if she then breaks in, well she's a felony-committing fool)
3) the violation of the "secrecy of letters" law, though unless she printed some it may be he-said-she-said, i.e. no proof. You can look through her stuff, huh? She looked through yours... :evil4:

You KNOW she lies easily and facilely about the breakup, perhaps even with pleasure. Over here we call that a sociopath, but more importantly, who taught HER to lie like that? Mater & Pater, of course. You can't trust them for anything, they will do everything in their power to see their daughter WINS

But if you play this right, by this Wednesday, Friday at the latest, you can be peaceably sitting in your house with your new girl and playing your guitar as loud as you like.

(I would be playing as loud as I liked RIGHT NOW, too.  :cool01:)

On second thought, DON'T burn that idiotic "document" - it's evidence, make several copies, bring one to the police station Monday, as an example of the harassment they're imposing. And never, ever say anything in anger to the Satan-Spawn, just smile, nod. And turn up your amp.
StubHead said:
There's a process that you have to go through - I worked for a few divorce lawyers not too long ago. Her parents are convinced that you are an abusive, cat-kicking monster, because they're going solely on her word. One of the reasons you go to the police NOW is because as long as she's got a key, they may try to plant drugs on you (if you do have any, GET RID OF THEM AND ALL PARAPHERNALIA NOW). NOW NOW NOW! Just give it to somebody. And tell the police you are worried about this, because she has some drug-using friends and could get it easily, and is probably on them right now. If you find something in your house that looks like drugs, don't touch it - fingerprints. Call the cops! Weird, huh?

Another Standard Operating Procedure is to hang a "driving while intoxicated" charge on you. They may know a favorite pub of yours, they may even have the gall to invite you to a "let's all be adults" dinner meeting and call the police when you leave, telling them that a drunk driver almost hit somebody and give them your license plate number. Remember they think you're lower than dirt, a cat-hater, you've boinked their sweet innocent daughter and you'll need to PAY for that, you monster - she's probably told them you hit her... a teenage girl's mind is a scary place. And you won't be able to do much from a jail cell.

She is going to have all her friends on her side, and her parents. You know she is fabricating some stuff already. You really, really need to get the facts lined up in a written narrative, and get that to the police, your friends, and I hate say it, but you may need a lawyer. If you have any friends in the profession, you may find a guitar-playing one and kiss one of your sweeties goodby. It hasn't gotten to that point, but YOU need to get ahead of this. If you do have a lawyer friend, (that SHE doesn't know)  lay this thing out for him, and ask if you could simply use his letterhead and address. The next time her parents come around, you just say "talk to my lawyer." That might be ALL it takes.

Ask yourself "What she told her parents to get them so angry?" For one, she's told them that she was a virgin till you showed up, she's told them that you were abusive towards her, probably told them that you were on drugs (setting up the plant by one of her friends). You need to get the facts down on paper, make multiple copies and give them to three or four people. Otherwise, if she can hang a charge on you, it'll look like you're the one making stuff up.

A very large portion of her parent's role is likely to be that they don't want her moving back in with them...  :laughing7: Just in thinking about the divorces of friends of mine, if it was an acrimonious split, the "substance abuse" stuff came up in at least half of them. If this has any bearing (DON'T ANSWER) her parent may be trying to keep you from getting MORE sweet little girls hooked on drugs. This is like a chess game, only everybody loses. You have to minimize your stake in it.

dude!sorry you're having troubles, but I agree with Stub here, stand up for yourself! Don't stand for all that horse$h*t! I say this with love & respect: Man up! That chick and her parents sound like evil, soul-sucking demon-spawns, and need to be put in their place!

Anyway, good luck with it all, hope it works out good for you.

As scary/extreme/distasteful as all this sounds, I wholeheartedly agree. There is no end to the trouble an ill intentioned person can do to another. You need to protect yourself, and fortunately for you the justice and contract law is on your side. You may not even need to do any harm (charges etc.) on your ex, you Can just open a file at the precinct and they'll be on your side when the feces hits the fan.
This can haunt you for life. I brought a client to court for breach of contract and an insurance company (who threatened to bring me to court for breach of contract) for the same. I won, they lost. I kept my money, increased my reputation and pride. This is abuse, and realistically dangerous for you, your posessions, and your future. It is an emergency, and although you don't have to find a cure right away, you need to put some stitches in to stop the bleeding.
We all know you're a great guy. And honestly, I would put aside my concern that my ex and her parents think the same thing until you're protected. You have to break eggs to make an omelet, and cut down some trees to make a fence. Remember always that you have the legal upper hand, and make every effort to keep it that way.
 

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
thebutcher85 said:
oh, and stop finding "girls" to go out with, and get yourself a Woman! when I realized this it changed my life.  :icon_thumright:

'women' who are 25 still call themselves girls over here; who am I to argue with that? ;)

@stubhead: thanks for your input. About the drugs and alcohol (ab)use: I don't do drugs, nor have I ever been affiliated with them too; just tobacco and alcohol, and not even in high dosage. I drink, but never if I have to drive; I've never been caught or had a ticket for DUI, because I don't do that. If someone goes to the police to claim to have had a (near)accident cause the driver was DUI, there has to be evidence otherwise the district attorney will dismiss the case. About the planting of substances: I have seen too many american movies to know not to touch it  :laughing3: besides, the cops need a warrant to search the house, and the court won't give it out unless there's a damn good reason. I've never heard about a case like that, only in case of murders, haha.

She has fabricated stuff, and I want to make the point of her and the parents clear.

They don't hate me, per se, neither does she. All she wants is to live in the place where I live, without me, because it's conveniently located near her parents. A restraining order wouldn't make sense cause we live so close by. I would never have guessed that she'd dump me, otherwise I wouldn't have ever agreed to living here in the first place, ofcourse. I couldn't care less where she lives in the long run, as long as I'm out of here, eventually. I can't live here with ease of mind cause they and their presence hangs above me like a damocles' sword. I have devised a way so both parties can have their way.

I will make a contract of my own, in which it will be clearly stated that their promise, finding a house for me, must be done BEFORE I sign the supplement of the rental agreement which will state that my ex-gf has the same rights and duties as I do. If she has signed the latter she has the same financial obligation as I do (i.e.: barf up the dough, b*tch! ;) she's paying me 1/3 of the overall costs, not 1/2). I don't mind her having those rights, I just want to force them to find a place. They're already on the lookout, but not actively enough. I'm easy going: same kind of location, same amount of square feet of apartment, same kind of priceleague.

I did go to a lawyer and he claimed that until there's no damage to property or person, it won't go to the DA's office, so no case. To go civil is impossible cause there's not enough of a case to go civil. It's SO technical, I don't get it all anymore, but anyway, that's what it is...



Their cat-hating spree against me is actually quite funny. My new lady-friend thinks it's so super-cute/adorable how I'm with my cat (in my house I have my cat and the cat of my ex-gf). 
 

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
by the way: she's the one who used drugs: hash, marihuana and XTC, not me  :laughing11:
 

Updown

Senior member
Messages
2,606
Orpheo said:
by the way: she's the one who used drugs: hash, marihuana and XTC, not me  :laughing11:
:icon_scratch:  .....................................  So you still got her phone number  :icon_biggrin:  :icon_jokercolor:

Seriously thou ...
If you are NOT married to her or have kids to her, I bet you don't even have a shared bank account together.
Why on earth would you even think of signing anything  :doh:

You are a complete FOOL if you do  :tard:

I gather you don't hate her & visa versa.
So,
Just think about this....
You sign over the lease (or whatever you call it there) to her ...
So she can live there.
You move out. (to get away from her)
Your name is still on the lease. (with her's)
She has a party & trashes the place completely.

The bill for thats headed your way ...... Good luck.  :icon_thumright:

Been There ..... Done That
 

Orpheo

Senior member
Messages
2,771
Updown said:
Orpheo said:
by the way: she's the one who used drugs: hash, marihuana and XTC, not me  :laughing11:
:icon_scratch:  .....................................  So you still got her phone number  :icon_biggrin:  :icon_jokercolor:

Seriously thou ...
If you are NOT married to her or have kids to her, I bet you don't even have a shared bank account together.
Why on earth would you even think of signing anything  :doh:

You are a complete FOOL if you do  :tard:

I gather you don't hate her & visa versa.
So,
Just think about this....
You sign over the lease (or whatever you call it there) to her ...
So she can live there.
You move out. (to get away from her)
Your name is still on the lease. (with her's)
She has a party & trashes the place completely.

The bill for thats headed your way ...... Good luck.  :icon_thumright:

Been There ..... Done That

wait, hold it; I won't sign the lease OVER to her; she get's on the lease too. The moment I find a new home, I'm removed from the lease, so the home is her affair, not mine anymore.

They say if I don't sign, they'll make my life a living hell, even more so than it is now. I don't mind signing, as long as they sign my contract (that states that THEY will find me a home...). They were aggravated because (in their view) I promised to have her on the lease when we started living here (I was ambiguous in my words in this regard). So I'll play the 'you-promised-so-sign' ball back. They don't trust me that I'd let her on the lease on my 'own', I don't trust them in finding me a home, so.... we both have to sign, we both are in eachother's grasp. 
 

stubhead

Senior member
Messages
4,669
They say if I don't sign, they'll make my life a living hell,

You don't negotiate with people like this. Right now, there is no contract tying you to them. To be civil, it would be nice to give them a call as soon as you've finished "cleaning up" and tell them that the girl who used to live here's possessions are out on the curb, waiting for garbage pickup. You need to sever connections with these people, not make more. Anything they might do to "make your life a living hell" is illegal, and again - you need to involve the law, because they haven't got a legal leg to stand on.

And CHANGE THE LOCKS. If you come home one night and all your guitars are missing, you'll know damn well where they are, but - there's no prior police report of their harassment and threats? What then? Lunatics are only funny until they turn dangerous. And, your "contract" would be no more binding upon them than anything else you or they make up and sign.
 

Alfang

Senior member
Messages
2,596
I'm having a tough time getting my head arround whats going on here, but it seems to me everyone has a breaking point, and at that point you gotta do things the old school way, with a baseball bat. or a Telecaster
 
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