Hating is so fun! :hello2:
The SG's are made from something called "Dymondwood", thin plies of birch impregnated with epoxy and cured under pressure - in essence, it's just a solid chunk of plastic! The birch is just a matrix to hold the goo in place, and perhaps add a bit of color....
http://www.rutply.com/products/colorwood-gallery.html
There was a guy a while back named Armstrong who made some plastic guitars that Ampeg sold, our own WhiteBison created a tribute... ummm. If Keith Richards says plastic guitars are cool, you just shut yer yap.
And if some guy took a slab of wood and painstakingly pyrographically burned this design into it:
You'd be plotzing your Pampers and turning cartwheels* in effusive phrase over the artistry! the Talent! Oooh! Ooooh!
So it's not actually the lines you dislike, and you've never heard or played one... I, personally, strongly suspect that epoxy might make for a very solid, sustaining sort of instrument of the bright, solid, non-woody type of guitar... like aluminum? We love aluminum guitars! Why, I'll bet if you combined Dymondwood (though perhaps of a subtle, even black material), with aluminum, you'd get an instrument that would sustain like a banshee!
HOLY SMOKES!
Wonder what that black and n alumee kind of, uh, thingie wazzz
zzzzzzzzz.....
Well the one thing we can be sure of, though, those things'll sound like shrieky, atonal crap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l-hxz7GQ4M
*(note: change plotz'd Pampers before attempting cartwheels, somersaults or other artistic maneuvers of the inverted category. )
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Armstrong
Though... tho... I strongly suspect that the Dymondwood SG's might be a really brilliant-sounding guitar (yep both senseS of it) Gibson did, irrevocably, universe-wide, totally, inexcusably, permanently,
PLOTZ THEIR OWN FRIG'N PAMPERS BY CALLING IT A "ZOOT SUIT" GUITAR?!?! And now I CAN'T have one.... way to go Henry, even the "Pampers of the mind" are slowly, seeping... whoa, it's around the edges THE ELASTICS FAILING THE VELCRO OHMYGOD....
glurb glurb glurb glurb