At the end of her journey

[fdesalvo]

It’s 11:28 PM CST. I flew in to Louisiana to spend time with my mom, who’s on home hospice. It’s just her and I in the room she’s occupying. There’s a clock ticking to my right and she’s to my left writhing on her bed.

She’s maxed out on fentanyl patches and takes enough morphine to end seven adult males daily and the pain remains. She’s built up such a tolerance to these drugs. Astonished when she has lucid moments and can speak, though she cannot finish her thoughts. 

She’s got under two weeks left.  She’s not going to be allowed liquids by mouth soon, as she’s losing the ability to swallow with out aspirating the fluid.  An IV is also no longer an option. This is it. 

What a cruel process and I’m sudddenlyn less offended by the “f#%k cancer” stickers I see on some vehicles.

She’s been fighting this for 3 years and it’s here. I have to fly back home Sunday and am returning with my wife and baby in two weeks, but I know she’ll likely pass in my absence.

I’ve been observing my family trying to cope in their own ways by binge eating or by shopping - or by engaging in guitar builds in my case. My dad’s health is terrible and I’m worried about the domino scenario.

I don’t like posting this type of stuff, but I need to get it off my chest. My wife and baby are back in ca and I hope they are sleeeping. I hope you all are sleeping.

She’s a woman of faith, so I’m at peace with her final destination, but it doesn’t make this easier. I just want her suffering to end.

 

[AirCap]

I know that song well.... May her passing be easy, and your family's grief be brief.

 

[stratamania]

Our thoughts are with you, Frank.

 

[rgand]

Man, I know what you're going through. My thoughts are with you and your family to handle this situation as easily as possible. My thoughts are with your mom so she can transition comfortably.

Post what you need to. We can help by listening and giving friendly support.

 

[Nightclub Dwight]

When I went through something similar with my mom, I felt relief when it finally happened.  I felt bad for feeling that way, but I've come to grips with it now.  I wish you the best in this difficult time.

 

[DangerousR6]

My heart goes out to you bro, cancer is rampant in my family. Step mother in 2013, step father in 2014, my youngest brother was diagnosed in 2015 and my dad just had some removed from his intestines a month ago. Cancer is a nasty and fickle bitch..

 

[Logrinn]

I’m so sorry for you, Frank.
My mother is getting older and worse from heart problems, so I too have a small understanding what goes through your mind at these times. Hang in there.

 

[fdesalvo]

Thanks guys. I don’t mean to burden you. Go to sleep all of you!

 

[TBurst Std]

Frank,

I’m praying for your mom, you and your family.  If you need someone to talk with or just to listen, give me a call

Mark

 

[fdesalvo]

Mark, thank you brother.

I’m going to delete the thread if I can. Thank you guys.

 

[bagman67]

Frank, my friend, I know we all exist at some distance from one another, but whatever relief from the presence of such sadness in your life we can supply is never a burden to provide.  Each of us must face loss and anything we can do to support you as you go through it is willingly shared, for we all know we will one day face a similar challenge.

 

[TonyFlyingSquirrel]

I am so sorry for you brother.
Today, in a little over thirty minutes, at exactly 3:35pm PST, it has been 5 years since my father passed away.
I was blessed to fulfill my promise to him that I would be there with him, holding his hand as he breathed his last, and it has been one of the great privileges of my life experience.
Godspeed my friend.

 

[ByteFrenzy]

Our thoughts and our love are with you, Frank. I have been through it twice, and I know that the time is closing in on us for my wife's parents. Words can only offer so much consolation, but I hope they can be of some support for you.

 

[BigSteve22]

I feel for you Brother. I went through almost exactly the same thing last summer. My Mom was living in Florida with my sister, and leaving the last time I saw her, I kinda knew it really was the last time. It was hard going, but I couldn't stay. As it happens, today is the first time in 64 years that I haven't spoken to her on her birthday.

Please don't feel bad about needing to get it off your chest. We all go through it sometime, least we can do is offer each other support. My prayers are with you.

 

[NonsenseTele]

Sorry to hear it mate!
I hope things end in the best way possible, living in misery and pain is difficult... I know it will be harder to you all, but I can only think on "REST in peace" in this kind of situation... It's a resting situation to those who suffer...

And remember suffering because of loss is normal, you're just feeling what normal human feel in this kind of deep and terrible situation. No need to feel embarassed because of it...

Wish I could be more helpful...

 

[swarfrat]

So sorry to hear it mate. Lost my dad to cancer 17 years ago. Still seems like yesterday sometimes.

 

[Rick]

... Hang in there, be strong

Edit 2-3-19
Another journey  will begin for her, I don't believe it is an end, a new beginning.

 

[Great Ape]

Post whatever you feel you need to, Frank...sounds as though many of us have been in your situation, and it's always awkward, painful, confusing, and anger-inducing. Just know that we're with you as best  we can be, and are thinking of you, and wishing you well...
Greg

 

[Fat Pete]

My Dad's birthday today. Lost him to cancer coming up on 3 years ago. I didn't spend a lot of time with him in the last 30 years or so, but he was always there, like the sky is there. It's a big, strange shift when you lose such a fundamental part of your world.

So, yep, feel free to vent, gabble on about trivial stuff, (or real important, guitar-related stuff). No shortage of understanding on here.

All the best to you and yours, Frank.

 

[stratamania]

@FatPete It would have also been my dads birthday today.

He would have been 94, but it is 31 years ago now since he passed on.