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Favorite musician joke

A

AndyG

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Everybody knows at least one ...
Though this might be a good place to share.  I'll start with one of my favorites:

A group of adventurers decide to go on a trek through a dark African jungle.  Once they arrive and meet their guides, they hear a tribal drum beat off in the distance.  So they ask the guides, "what is the drum beat all about?".  The guides respond, "drums must never stop ... great evil if drums stop!".
So, after a couple of days of exploring, the adventurers realise that the drums are indeed still going.  They ask again ... "so, what are the drums for?"  The guides' only response is still, "drums must never stop".  "But why?"  "Great evil if drums stop!"  Getting a little annoyed, the adventurers insist, "WHY MUST THE DRUMS NOT STOP!?!"

....  "Bass solo!!!"
 
You're opening up a can of worms with this one!


Hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in the car?  Took him half an hour to get the drummer out.

How can you tell if there's a lead singer knocking on your door?  'can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

What's the difference between a bass player and a Proctologist?  The Proctologist only has to deal with one boom-boom at a time.

How do you get an electric guitar player to play quieter?  Put sheet music in front of him.

aaaaaaand...

Once a guitar player showed up at rehearsal to find the bass player angrily chasing the drummer around.  On asking what the trouble was, the Bass player exclaimed:  "He turned one of my tuning pegs - but won't tell me which one!!!!"
 
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I want to be a musician."
She replies, "Well honey, you know  you can't do both."  :toothy12:
 
mayfly said:
You're opening up a can of worms with this one!


Hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in the car?  Took him half an hour to get the drummer out.

How can you tell if there's a lead singer knocking on your door?  'can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

What's the difference between a bass player and a Proctologist?  The Proctologist only has to deal with one ass at a time.

How do you get an electric guitar player to play quieter?  Put sheet music in front of him.

aaaaaaand...

Once a guitar player showed up at rehearsal to find the bass player angrily chasing the drummer around.  On asking what the trouble was, the Bass player exclaimed:  "He turned one of my tuning pegs - but won't tell me which one!!!!"
Click to expand...

Your last joke reminded me of another ...

What's the definition of a semitone?

2 fretless bassists playing the same note!
 
Two drums and cymbal fall off a cliff............



..............Boom Boom Tschhhhhhh!
 
Q: How do you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drummer drools out both sides of his mouth.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

(With love to all the drummers I've played with. :))
 
how do you know a drummer is at your door? the knocking speeds up.

what does it sound like when a piano falls into a mine shaft? a flat miner.
 
O.K., so I see it's drummer day!

What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
-The defendant

What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
-Saliva

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
-They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

By the way... I started out on drums and played for 6 years :icon_tongue:
 
Three guys are waiting in line outside of the Pearly Gates to get into Heaven. 
The first guy walks up to Saint Peter and is presented with a strange question.

"How much money did you average per year in your adult life?" 

He answers $150,000. 
Saint Peter looks at him and exclaims, "Ahh, we have a Doctor here!  Savior of the sick and injured, please get in line number two."  Amazed, the first man walks into the appropriate line.

The second guy walks up and is presented with the same question.  He answers $40,000.
Saint Peter looks at him and says, "I see you must have been a Teacher.  Champion of children, please get in line number four." Also amazed, the second man gets in line.

The third guy gets the same question.  He answers $4,000.
Saint Peter looks at him and says, "Hmm....and what instrument did you play?  Forget the question, get in line number eight....and by the way the drinks aren't free."
 
A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher: "How much for fiddle player brain?"
"2 dollars an ounce."
"How much for mandolin player brain?"
"3 dollars an ounce."
"How much for guitar player brain?"
"4 dollars an ounce."
"How much for banjo player brain?"
"100 dollars an ounce."
"Why is banjo player brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many banjo players you need to kill to get one ounce of brain?"




How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?  None, they'll stand around argueing and drooling playing randomly
 
To keep it going ( and stay away from drummers, bassists, and guitarists .....)

What's the definition of an optimist?
An oboe player with a pager!

What's the difference between a dead skunk on the highway and a dead cellist on the highway?
The skunk was on his way to a gig!

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns at the front, and the ass at the rear!!

What's the last thing a stripper does to her ass before she goes to work?
Drops him off at band practice!
 
So this guy goes into the brain store and says, I need some brains for a musician.
So the clerk behind the counter says, well your in luck, I got guitar player brains for $1 a piece, and I got banjo player brains for $100 a piece.
The guy says, gee, that's some difference, why are the banjo player brains so expense.
Oh, says the clerk, they've never been used!
:headbang:
 
What do you do if you can't get somebody to play an instrument? Give him two sticks and call him a drummer.

What do you do if you can't do that? Take one away and call him the director.
 
What do you do with a drummer before trick or treating?  Give him a guitar and let him go as a musician.
 
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?



One to change it, 100 to say I could do it better
 
vs_getty_chad_kroeger_210.jpg
 
So the band is on stage, the club is packed.  The audience is digging the music, after all, some bands get lucky if they practice...
So what's going through the vocalist's head?  "Dude, they love me, I'm gonna be a star!"
And what's going through the bassist's head?  "That chick over there is checking me out, so is that other one, I'm gonna score tonite!"
And what's going through the guitarist's head?  "WORSHIP ME!!!  My licks are too brilliant for any of you sheep to understand, but worship me anyway!!!"
And what's going through the drummer's head? "one two three four, one two three four, one two three four.."
 
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