A biker was riding his hog over the golden gate bridge early early one morning right before the sun same up, and spotted a gal that looked like she was about to jump off the bridge. He pulled his bike over, and went up to her, and tried to convince her not to jump, but she said her mind was made up. Being an opportunist, the biker asked if she'd like to give him a nice kiss, just for being so concerned about her, even though she was still gonna jump. She agreed, and gave him a long, deep, and passionate kiss, that left him both breathless and quite turned on. So, he told her, that if she jumped, she'd be doing mankind a disservice with a talent like that. Then he asked her why she wanted to jump, and she told him it was because her parents couldn't stand their son, an only child, dressing and acting like a girl.
Favorite Jokes
- Thread starter Mor Paul
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MikeW
Hero Member
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So this blonde has just finished her Ph.D. and is taking a vacation. While driving through the countryside and admiring the beautiful hills of golden wheat, she sees another blonde, in a rowboat, oars in the ground, trying to push the boat up a hill. Intrigued, the first blonde pulls over, walks to the fence and shouts, "Hey! What are you doing out there?"
The second blonde replies, "I'm rowing through this sea of wheat!"
This infuriates the first blonde who yells back, "What?!? It's dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!!"
The second blonde replies, "I'm rowing through this sea of wheat!"
This infuriates the first blonde who yells back, "What?!? It's dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!!"
Graffiti62
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A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears where on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this man would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him ... they kiss ... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and ask, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The man says, "You can choose any prize you like from the bottom shelf".
She turns to him ... they kiss ... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and ask, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The man says, "You can choose any prize you like from the bottom shelf".
Ted Spencer
Newbie
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Heard about the new Polish Million Dollar Lottery? The grand prize is a dollar a year for a million years...
Speaking of poland, they just sufferd their worst air disaster in the nations history.
Seems a Cesna 172 fell straight out of the sky nose first into a cemetary, Rescue workers worked feverishly throughout the night, uncovering 132 bodies, that figure is expected to climb as digging continues......
( for those that don't know, a cesna 172 holds 4 people)
Seems a Cesna 172 fell straight out of the sky nose first into a cemetary, Rescue workers worked feverishly throughout the night, uncovering 132 bodies, that figure is expected to climb as digging continues......
( for those that don't know, a cesna 172 holds 4 people)
arty07:
Oh man... Don't get me started on some dead baby jokes. Some of my favorites.
What's worse than six dead babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to six trees.
What's the difference between a tractor trailer full of bowling balls and a tractor trailer full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with pitch forks.
I've got a few more, but these two are my favorites. And Mitch Hedberg will always be one of my favorites! When I worked at Pac Sun and we had really long floor sets to finish after work we would play stand up CDs. Mitch and Dane are two of my all-time favorites. At least Dane was, now all he does are penis jokes. Makes me kind of sad.
What's worse than six dead babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to six trees.
What's the difference between a tractor trailer full of bowling balls and a tractor trailer full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with pitch forks.
I've got a few more, but these two are my favorites. And Mitch Hedberg will always be one of my favorites! When I worked at Pac Sun and we had really long floor sets to finish after work we would play stand up CDs. Mitch and Dane are two of my all-time favorites. At least Dane was, now all he does are penis jokes. Makes me kind of sad.
A series from Jimmy Carr's attempt to write the shortest jokes he can:
"Venison's dear, isn't it?"
"Stationery store moves."
"Dwarf shortage."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My son died of prostate cancer."
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Meta-humour
Meta-humour who?
Punchline.
"Venison's dear, isn't it?"
"Stationery store moves."
"Dwarf shortage."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My son died of prostate cancer."
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Philip Glass.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Meta-humour
Meta-humour who?
Punchline.
JaySwear said:
"They told me I was blocking a fire exit, as if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit!"
My favorites are Mitch, Jim Gaffigan, Lewis Black, and Patton Oswalt. Ron White can be pretty hilarious sometimes too... "They call me Tater Salad."
Miskatonic
Junior Member
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I'm partial to this joke because I've never had anyone laugh when I've told it. It's a play on words my dad told me when I was a young lad.
How to catch a polar bear.
To catch a polar bear you cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole. :laughing7:
How to catch a polar bear.
To catch a polar bear you cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle peas around it. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole. :laughing7:
AprioriMark
Hero Member
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
-Mark
A stick.
-Mark
