DARWIN AWARDS FOR 2008

DangerousR6

Senior member
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15,456
It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket scientist... HONESTLY! Read on...And remember that each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY!!!

And the nominees were:

Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.


Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.


Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. 'The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,' Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was 'Major trauma.'

Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.


Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.



And Now, for the winner of this year's Darwin Award:
(As always, awarded posthumously):

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... Had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!


The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.


You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?


PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US,


AND THEY  ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE KIDS AND VOTE!!
 

Mor Paul

Senior member
Messages
7,238
I'm sure the winner's story sounds familiar. It was an old myth, and they covered it on mythbusters.
 

m4rk0

Senior member
Messages
5,383
DangerousR6 said:
And Now, for the winner of this year's Darwin Award:
(As always, awarded posthumously):

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... Had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!


The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20 -25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.


You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?

You know what makes this extra funny... or even weird.

Years ago I read a book where the main character was some kind of accident investigator/technician.
In this book, almost exactly the same story happens! with if I remember correctly some identical details too!
the funny part is, the main character is called Darwin!
the book is called Darwins Blade, by Dan Simmons (one of my favorite Horror/Fantasy/SF Writers)
I'll try to find it later to doublecheck some of the details.
 

stubhead

Senior member
Messages
4,669
"You just couldn't make this stuff up, could you?"

I sure could.... did you hear about the guy who chopped off his middle finger so he could "be more like Jerry", did you hear about the guy who ate a whole sheet of blotter so he could play guitar like Frank Marino....
 

mayfly

Senior member
Messages
8,225
Max said:
I'm sure the winner's story sounds familiar. It was an old myth, and they covered it on mythbusters.

Yep, I first heard that one (and the coke machine one) about 19 years ago.

 

ByteFrenzy

Senior member
Messages
1,177
DangerousR6 said:
(As always, awarded posthumously):

I recall that there was an exception once: the guy who used a golf ball cleaning machine to clean his ehhmmmmm... not golf balls??  :sad:

The reasoning being that although he survived the experience, he HAD effectively removed himself from the gene pool...

 
Messages
8,318
The winner with the rocket car, that's been going around for atleast 10 years that I know of, unless there's been more than one.  420 mph?  Uh huh huh.
 

Mor Paul

Senior member
Messages
7,238
ByteFrenzy said:
DangerousR6 said:
(As always, awarded posthumously):

I recall that there was an exception once: the guy who used a golf ball cleaning machine to clean his ehhmmmmm... not golf balls??  :sad:

The reasoning being that although he survived the experience, he HAD effectively removed himself from the gene pool...
I've heard about that one before.
 

dbw

Senior member
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4,531
Semifinalist #1 was the dumbest.  The winning story is pretty outlandish, wonder if it's true...
 

GoDrex

Senior member
Messages
3,619
Why not use the actual Darwin Awards from 2008?

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2008.html  - - sorry, no rocket cars

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html - rocket car is an urban legend.

 

NonsenseTele

Senior member
Messages
8,256
Damn is serious! This priest is the dumbiest guy on the world...

And they didn't said all things: his instructor told him "the next station after the place you're going to fly is Africa, don't do it"... But, he did... Nothing like ask a professional and they forget everything he warned and do exactly what is NOT supposed to do :laughing7:
 

blue313

Senior member
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2,824
GoDrex said:
http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1995-04.html - rocket car is an urban legend.
I saw them re-enact this one on Mythbusters.  They couldn't get a JATO but used a 3 stage civilian legal version.  Unfortunately, the thing never did get airborne.
 

dbw

Senior member
Messages
4,531
Well even if it did it would probably just smash right into the ground... a car with a rocket engine is not going to be very stable.  More than likely the car would just go really fast and/or explode.  Or the rocket would just take off and leave the car behind.  Duct tape is not gonna hold it...
 

Graffiti62

Senior member
Messages
654
dbw said:
Duct tape is not gonna hold it...

Don't tell Red Green that!

Also, seeing the Darwin awards reminds me of a great mind that went so dumbly--Terry Kath from Chicago. Great guitarist, but a real dumba$$. His famous last words were "Don't worry--its not loaded." Bang!
 
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