BroccoliRob
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for Xmas this year I wanted to go on a legit, guided spirit quest, so I found a guy on the dark web (Tor) in NC who was willing to do it. did you know the North Carolina has rainforests? I guess we'll see for how long, but go see them while you can if you like rainforests. anyway, my partner bought me plane tickets there and then I ubered to the trailhead/parking area to his forest.
i walked through the forest for what seemed like hours, almost giving up before coming upon the small clearing with a hut. I knocked on the "door" (more of a thatched or woven roof section of palm fronds but used as a door in this case) and the Shaman waved me in. checking my phone it had actually been like 45 minutes. but have you ever walked for almost an hour straight into some woods? its pretty boring unless there's a waterfall or a mountain view or something. anyway,
on the dirt floor of the hut sat a new looking MacBook Pro, and in preparation for my visit, my Shaman had called up the recipe for ayahuasca, the spiritual hallucinogen of his ancestors. “You can get all the sh-- you need online, bro” he told me, pointing to a listing for powdered (redacted). “i'll get overnight shipping on it so we can get trippy ASAP.” he clicked the checkout button, and then opened iTunes.
“u into Shpongle?” I shook my head (I didn't want to be rude and explain to the person about lead me through something spiritual that I felt Shpongle is like if Walmart-brand Phish appropriated other cultures to make bad techno).
he ignored me, clicking on the Shpongle and the laptop speakers began to play vaguely-ethnic techno.
“you want some (redacted) salts?” he asked, passing me a paper envelope. i shook my head again, and he laughed. “I f-----g love (redacted) salts, bro,” he said as he tilted his head back and emptied the envelope into one nostril.
I don't remember whole lot else, and what I do remember is probably inappropriate for even the off topic section of this forum and involved absinthe, but in short, I had a pretty good time, and found out my spirit animal is just a guy who hates Shpongle, which was disappointing to the Shaman but hey, he was chill enough to accept it; dude was the guide of my journey, after all and could've just lied and said it was like, a chupacabra or something.
anyway, when our session was over I asked how do I get back, and he was like "lol what? The parking lot is only 10 yards away" and he was right. The Uber driver who brought me there went to the wrong entrance which is why it took me 45 minutes to get to the hut!
The Lyft driver who took me back to the airport asked why I was at the forest and so dirty he needed to put towels down, and I told him about my experience, but then he said the weirdest thing, which was that shamans hadn't been operating in that forest in over a hundred (100) years. I told him I found the guy on the dark web so he probably wasn't a licensed Shaman with the state but he said "maybe" in a dismissive tone like he didn't believe me.
I told him I could show him the Tiktoks of us trying to improvise guitar solos over top of Shpongle (name a harder feat, I'll wait) but when I pulled out my phone none of the videos where there and the Shamans' social media was empty. The driver was like "get out" and "I don't give rides to liars" and when I pleaded he said "shut up" and that kind of ended things. You can't really do anything once someone says shut up, so I had to walk to a YMCA to shower and get another Lyft. Anyway, 3.5 out of 5 stars, highly recommended way to spend some time right before the holidays, or should I say holiblaze heh heh lmao
i walked through the forest for what seemed like hours, almost giving up before coming upon the small clearing with a hut. I knocked on the "door" (more of a thatched or woven roof section of palm fronds but used as a door in this case) and the Shaman waved me in. checking my phone it had actually been like 45 minutes. but have you ever walked for almost an hour straight into some woods? its pretty boring unless there's a waterfall or a mountain view or something. anyway,
on the dirt floor of the hut sat a new looking MacBook Pro, and in preparation for my visit, my Shaman had called up the recipe for ayahuasca, the spiritual hallucinogen of his ancestors. “You can get all the sh-- you need online, bro” he told me, pointing to a listing for powdered (redacted). “i'll get overnight shipping on it so we can get trippy ASAP.” he clicked the checkout button, and then opened iTunes.
“u into Shpongle?” I shook my head (I didn't want to be rude and explain to the person about lead me through something spiritual that I felt Shpongle is like if Walmart-brand Phish appropriated other cultures to make bad techno).
he ignored me, clicking on the Shpongle and the laptop speakers began to play vaguely-ethnic techno.
“you want some (redacted) salts?” he asked, passing me a paper envelope. i shook my head again, and he laughed. “I f-----g love (redacted) salts, bro,” he said as he tilted his head back and emptied the envelope into one nostril.
I don't remember whole lot else, and what I do remember is probably inappropriate for even the off topic section of this forum and involved absinthe, but in short, I had a pretty good time, and found out my spirit animal is just a guy who hates Shpongle, which was disappointing to the Shaman but hey, he was chill enough to accept it; dude was the guide of my journey, after all and could've just lied and said it was like, a chupacabra or something.
anyway, when our session was over I asked how do I get back, and he was like "lol what? The parking lot is only 10 yards away" and he was right. The Uber driver who brought me there went to the wrong entrance which is why it took me 45 minutes to get to the hut!
The Lyft driver who took me back to the airport asked why I was at the forest and so dirty he needed to put towels down, and I told him about my experience, but then he said the weirdest thing, which was that shamans hadn't been operating in that forest in over a hundred (100) years. I told him I found the guy on the dark web so he probably wasn't a licensed Shaman with the state but he said "maybe" in a dismissive tone like he didn't believe me.
I told him I could show him the Tiktoks of us trying to improvise guitar solos over top of Shpongle (name a harder feat, I'll wait) but when I pulled out my phone none of the videos where there and the Shamans' social media was empty. The driver was like "get out" and "I don't give rides to liars" and when I pleaded he said "shut up" and that kind of ended things. You can't really do anything once someone says shut up, so I had to walk to a YMCA to shower and get another Lyft. Anyway, 3.5 out of 5 stars, highly recommended way to spend some time right before the holidays, or should I say holiblaze heh heh lmao
