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Toilet paper ads

C

-CB-

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Toilet paper is marketed as being "absorbent". Why? Turds don't soak into toilet paper. And once in the bowl, absorbent doesn't really matter any more, does it? I figure it must be because ladies buy a lot of toilet paper, and they're always blotting their coochies with it after they pee, thus want absorbency.

Then, what do guys want in toilet paper? Guys don't blot their peckers after peeing. Maybe they want absorbency to wipe the toilet seat?

Says I, if you wanna market toilet paper to guys, then lead with these features:
a) Our brand resists finger break through 2.5 times better than Brand-X; and
b) Our brand scrapes 97 percent more turds off your butt than Brand-Y.

That will sell toilet paper to guys.

 
=CB= said:
That will sell toilet paper to guys.
Click to expand...

All true. But, you discount one very important issue: for the most part, men don't buy toilet paper - women do.

It's why they sell dog food on taste, smell, texture, and purity - they're not selling it to dogs. They're selling it to humans. Your dog will eat cat turds out of the litter box or the guts out of road kill if you let him. He doesn't care about any of the issues you do.
 
I'm sayin' if they wanna hit more market share... they gotta change tactics.  The REASON guys dont buy TP is because its marketed to wimmens!  Include a beer with every 24 rolls of TP and you'd have guys flocking to dump, just to be able to justify more TP.  Then, if that beer was a Killians Red.... an endless cycle of repeat customers!
 
ya. I was just sayin' what it would be like if they did market towards men.
 
When you are down with the flu, and have the drizzlins, absorbent is good.
 
Men don't buy toilet paper because a real man just tears a page off whatever book he's reading.
 
as long as it's two ply & the paper goes over, NOT UNDER. it's fine with me.
 
TP better be absorbent, otherwise it just kind of moves it around.  :icon_jokercolor:
 
hannaugh said:
This is one of the most random threads I've ever seen. 
Click to expand...

There was a poll on the Line6 forum once about how you wipe. Roll, crumple or fold?

I'm not kidding.
 
=CB= said:
Says I, if you wanna market toilet paper to guys, then lead with these features:
a) Our brand resists finger break through 2.5 times better than Brand-X; and
b) Our brand scrapes 97 percent more turds off your butt than Brand-Y.
Click to expand...

AMEN!
 
Its ironic that =CB= started this topic.  I've been thinking it strange for about a month or two whenever I see a commercial touting the virutes of the "absorbancy."  Those commercials just seem so weird.

I've always thought that the strength of the paper was really more important.  Oh, and the softness too, I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to scratchy paper.
 
BTW, chicks do need absorbency.  It's pretty crucial.  I guess if you're a dude, you might need it if you're having explosive diarrhea?  :dontknow:  Oddly enough, I use tp to blot watercolor when I paint, and certain levels of absorbency are desirable for different effects. 

According to our plumber, rolling the paper sometimes results in clogs.  The paper is supposed to come apart on it's way down the pipes, and rolling it tends to prevent that more than facilitate it. 

Also, if you're gonna tp someone's house, the cheapest, thinnest, horrible 1 ply paper from the .99 store is the best because if the person is trying to clean it up, it will just pull down from the trees really easy if it is nicer tp that is strong.  My house got tp'ed when I was in high school, and it took me less than 5 mins to get rid of it because they used good paper.  I was embarassed for the culprits.  I mean, if you're gonna do something, do it right. 

That's pretty much everything I have to say on the subject of toilet paper. 
 
There was a woman on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire once who admitted to having stolen all her toilet paper for the past few years because she didn't believe in having to buy it. What a shameful thing to admit on television. :dontknow:
She should have just gotten a dog or something. :blob7:

On the subject of toilet paper, I think I'm going to go play my guitar now.
 
I vary between more methods.

I prefer strong TP wich is soft, and I like it absorbent, yeh :toothy11:
I like those japanese toilets that do al the work for you :headbang:
 
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