"Ocean" - first song I ever wrote

[fdesalvo]

We don't judge, remember???

This is a refreshed version of the first one I ever wrote.  I want to create a new bridge, but may keep this one since it's so vintage.  I was also tempted to post of the original "Garage Band" version, but I'd lose whatever street cred I have left to my name on the InterWebs.  The last thing I need is a bunch of you hooligans smelling blood in the water.


https://soundcloud.com/frankdesalvo/ocean

 

[Logrinn]

Wonderful! I love it.  :icon_thumright:

 

[bagman67]

Folks better come up with some tracks of their own if they want to throw stones.


That said, and I hope this sounds like constructive criticism, not internet snark:  In my view, your snare sound on this is a little too upfront and dry for the rest of the track.  And I'd like to hear the melody a little more - it sounds like a track that wants lyrics or an explicit instrumental melody laid on top of it.


And thanks, Frank, as always, for sharing your art with us.

 

[fdesalvo]

Thanks yall.

Baggie - I LOVED your criticism.  I built this whole thing around an apple drum loop in 2010 - this was before I knew how to program drums (and engineer lol).  What I need to do is rebuild that loop .

Pour on the criticism.  I really need it.

 

[bagman67]

I'm not saying it's the RIGHT snare sound, but check out the Cars' "Drive" for a snare with more bass and a little more reverb.  Less of a dry smack in the face than what you have in your track.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuZA6qiJVfU


That should give an idea of what's missing from what you have here.

 

[fdesalvo]

Yep yep.  Good looking out.  You inspired me to rebuild all of the percussion.

 

[fdesalvo]

Alrighty - remixed with new drums and a quick remastering.  Will add more tomorrow...

 

[Axkoa]

That sounds really cool dude. Not sure if it's my speaker or not, but at times some of the lower strings sort of overpower the rest of the song. Like around 2:35. Other than that, sounds really good.

 

[fdesalvo]

Thanks, man. It's still a rough mix - haven't high passed the strings yet, so they could Ed rumble your speakers hehe. Should make some good progress tomorrow. Maybe add some lift electric elements in there too.

 

[Cagey]

I think it's really well done; I have no criticism.

I will offer this, for what it's worth. I'm probably biased by the tags, but I got the impression of a soundtrack over a montage during the resolution phase of a chick flick. Not really "garage band" material, I wouldn't think.

Of course, I come from Deepinahearta Detroit during the Black Sabbath/Deep Purple/Led Zeppelin/Ronnie Montrose years. Our garage bands tended to be a little rough and undisciplined...read "the cops showed up a lot" :icon_biggrin:

 

[fdesalvo]

Haha!  I hear that man.

I write and record at the same time.  I never know what's going to happen when I sit down at the desk. When I heard this thing coming together, I thought I needed a tub of ice cream and raw cookie dough. I was like, "what the hell is this and what's wrong with me?!" Hahah

 

[fdesalvo]

She's been updated.  Have to do up an outro solo and remix/master.  HAVE to do vocals for this one.  I really love how it's coming along. 

I was wired all night - ended up not falling asleep until 630 this morning. Love the ideas that come out of sleep dep.

On a side note - this purple Warmoth tele just has the magic.  It can do no wrong!  It embarasses me every chance it gets, but it sounds so good to my ear!

 

[fdesalvo]

Alrighty - all prepped for vocals. 

Cagey - I have to thank you, man.  This all stemmed from your feedback.  THANK you.

 

[Cagey]

Sounds great! Pack it! Ship it! Put wheels on it! Bill it!  :icon_biggrin:

 

[fdesalvo]

ccasion14:

 

[bagman67]

So much better, Frank.  Great work.  I really admire your ear.

 

[fdesalvo]

Thank you, my good man.