My band has turned into a sitcom....

Vol. Knob

Senior member
Messages
601
This just occured to me...

We let our drummer go.  He wasnt working out.  So we've been auditioning for the last month.  I've had 50 responses to my ads, and only 5 actual drummers show up.
Granted, we're asking for some real lifestyle specific things since we're all parents with day-jobs and we only practice on Saturdays, and we're a cover band who only wants to gig once, perhaps twice, per month.  And we're an official/unofficial rock band for a Unitarian church, which always leads to confusion....

Of the auditionees:
A guy who played drums like he was sitting behind a drum set for the first time in his life.
A guy who has the same name (different spelling) as our rhythm guitarist.
A guy who has turned all his stuff into a business (Computer=website development, kitchen=catering, car=courier service, video camera=video production, etc),
A Pagan/Wiccan truck driver who has a polyamourous lifestyle,
And a transgentered guy (former girl),


Other sitcom-esque aspects to our band:
Our bassist is a fat guy with a hot wife and two cute kids.
Our rhythm guitarist, Divorced dad with two beautiful teenage daughters, ex race-car driver, and does the acoustic singer-songwriter coffee shop gig circuit around town.
Our Keyboardist/Vocalist is a classically trained soprano who has a PH.D. and is one of the single most oraganized people on Earth.
Our Lead Guitarist (Me) has a genius IQ, but its canceled out by the fact that I'm a blonde sagitarius guitar player with ADHD,
Our Vocalist/Percusionist is a classically trained soprano who is the voice of reason when not wise cracking.
Our soundman has a degree in physics and is married to our keyboardist/vocalist,
And I'm married to our other Vocalist/Percusionist, and together we have 5 kids, plus I have two ex stepkids (totalling 7kids) that I do my best to keep in touch with.

And then theres the dogs...  Or the time we set up for a party on my deck, only to have thunderstorm clouds roll in...  or how we incessently call our original drummer, who moved to Seattle, begging him to come home...  man..  it goes on and on....  this aint the half of it.

http://www.7mysteries.com
 

Rick

Senior member
Messages
4,154
Sounds normal.  Here are three more things I've seen in bands:

Drugs (Why are taking that v. lighten up dude)
Women (Why are dating my sister and She's you're girlfriend?)
Creative Control (Why don't you just write the songs and let us sing)
 

mayfly

Senior member
Messages
8,167
This reminds me of when our lead singer quit. 

We put an ad out, and got a pile of responses.  One was from a woman who sounded horribly insecure on the phone and was just looking for someone to talk to.  Several could not sing at all.  One brought her dad and said he was her boyfriend (now that's just weird on many levels).  Another could sort of sing, but she never came back for the second audition.  We finally hired a friend, who although could sing very well, didn't have any experience fronting a band.  The first gig did not go well - she did not hear herself in the monitors and was about a 5'h flat through the first song.  I had to fire her.  we're still friends (or so she says).

Also, the bass player and the wife of the guitar player are best friends.  And of course everyone has a pile of kids.  Except the drummer - we're just happy he is not reproducing.

We finally got our original singer back (events surround that are a soap opera in itself) and have been happy ever since.
 

theklanch

Senior member
Messages
209
Hey there Vol Knob I was checking out your band's website, good to see y'all have more than a few GD songs in the shuffle.  I'd like to hear some of those.......Do you have any recordings of any of your Dead songs?
 

Volitions Advocate

Senior member
Messages
1,239
My wife has a band.
she sings.

The bass player, Drummer and I (guitarrrerist) are also in our own heavy rock band.
In that band we also have a female singer, and a 2nd guitarist instead of a keyboardist. My wife has difficulty with that, because she says its like we're dumping her for another girl, even though we were working on creating a band long before her and I were even dating.
Originally we had a Male lead singer but he died last april of diabetes, he was a really close friend of mine.
the Keyboardist in my wifes band used to date the husband of the leadsinger in our rock band.
Theres more, but I dont feel like getting into it.

At least the tension is no longer around.
 

mayfly

Senior member
Messages
8,167
Volitions Advocate said:
In that band we also have a female singer, and a 2nd guitarist instead of a keyboardist. My wife has difficulty with that, because she says its like we're dumping her for another girl, even though we were working on creating a band long before her and I were even dating.

wooo this is so familiar that it's almost scary. 
 
Messages
8,318
Musicians being pseudo artists are the flakiest people to deal with.  The no-show is the biggest re-curring theme as far as having ads goes.  And with drummers, it seems everyone of them that can play worth a darn does not own a drum set.  Alcohol has been the biggest hinderance in any band I've been in.  I drink, but am not a drunk, and I'm always surprised when gigging that the rest of the band thinks they have to consume as much alcohol as they can in that time period.  Bandmembers' girlfriends (Yokos - we call them), don't get me started.  But children-wise, of my two current bands with 6 total members, only 2 kids, and they live with their mothers.
 

Vol. Knob

Senior member
Messages
601
theklanch said:
Hey there Vol Knob I was checking out your band's website, good to see y'all have more than a few GD songs in the shuffle.  I'd like to hear some of those.......Do you have any recordings of any of your Dead songs?

Right after we got together, and played one short gig at a "Beatles" themed event, we put ourselves into a charity auction.  The bidding was supposed to start at $300.  Nobody bid.  They lowered the opening bid to $200.  No takers.  $100.  Nothing.  Then a Deadhead stood up and said "I'll give you $50 for them if they play some Grateful Dead".

Fortunately I happen to be a fan of the Dead and know a few of their songs.  PM me with your email and I'll send you some MP3s.  I record all our shows and many practices. 
 

thumb55

Senior member
Messages
420
drummers (and their girlfriends) are a rare breed...

had a drummer with a dubble bass kit (and HUGE china cymbal) he drove a Honda Civic.  I was usually stuck halling his sh*t.  He was never around at 3 a.m. when we were loading back in at the practice hall.  Great drummer. (but the china gave me rickets)

and then there was the "Reverend's" kid.  Drank and smoked all the time.  Had a live in girlfriend.  Had a LOT of guilt.....and this time no car.  He wanted to be one of those guys that plays beats on a bucket.....and it showed.

which brings me to the farm kid.  Great guy, great drummer....played REAL LOUD though...had to have 2  15" monitors just for him, for practice.  He was really busy during harvest.  I just invisioned this big kid driving around in a John Deer Combine with the radio cranked playing air drums.

and the best one of all was this quiet little guy that always had the coolist quirky groove.  But he also had the weirdest girlfriend that was so full of sh*t and OBSESSED with the band Tool.  My girlfriend (now wife) dubbed her Loot (tool backwards).  I here she lost a freind and her craziness took over.  But I hear he's on his own and doing fine.

.....and I can't believe I forgot this guy that I used to jam with from time to time.  Big Indian dude.  A little over 6 foot and at lest 275-300 lbs.  Amazing dubblekicks...played barefoot.....trimmed his toenails about once a year.
 

NonsenseTele

Senior member
Messages
8,256
thumb55 said:
...and I can't believe I forgot this guy that I used to jam with from time to time.  Big Indian dude.  A little over 6 foot and at lest 275-300 lbs.  Amazing dubblekicks...played barefoot.....trimmed his toenails about once a year.

:laughing7: hahahahahahaha
 

Vol. Knob

Senior member
Messages
601
Over the weekend we did the last two auditions, the Transgendered dude and the guy with the same name as our Rhythm guitarist.

The guy who's name is the same as our rhythm guitarist was freaking amazing.  However, he thought he was auditioning for a different band.....  And he can't hold to our schedule.  We made friends with him, but he's not gonna join.  He wants to be our on-call drummer because our playlist made him laugh and he wants to see us play sometime, not a lot of bands do "The Time Warp", "99 Luftbaloons" in German, "Let it be" by the Beatles as if by an energetic punk band, and any of our other oddball tunes.

The guy that used to be a girl was awesome.  He clearly had some anger issues that he takes out on the drums with great effect.  He's coming back for a second audition.

So it looks like our second auditions are with the Pagan/Wiccan Truck Driver and the Transgendered Dude.  The jack-of-all-trades guy hasnt returned our calls or email. 
 

Vol. Knob

Senior member
Messages
601
Max, PM me your email and I'll see if I can dig up a good recording of that one.  I tend to record all our shows and most of our practices.  "Let it be" really works as a power-pop-punk tune.  And just for fun, I try to throw country licks into the solo.

Anyways...  We do the final auditions for the Pagan/Wiccan Truck Driver and Transgendered Dude this weekend.  I've been listening to the recordings of their auditions back to back, and I gotta say, the Transgendered Dude takes his anger issues out on the drums, he's good.  I already know two of my bandmates intend on voting for him.  The Pagan/Wiccan Truck Driver has his work cut out for him.  Come Saturday night, we vote. 
 

clearerphish

Senior member
Messages
541
Vol. Knob said:
We do the final auditions for the Pagan/Wiccan Truck Driver and Transgendered Dude this weekend.  I've been listening to the recordings of their auditions back to back, and I gotta say, the Transgendered Dude takes his anger issues out on the drums, he's good.  I already know two of my bandmates intend on voting for him.  The Pagan/Wiccan Truck Driver has his work cut out for him.  Come Saturday night, we vote. 

I just wanted to really thank you - you make my band problems seem so...trivial.  :glasses10:
 
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