Getting your thoughts on music I'm working on

[dNA]

So I've never before gone to the boards for feedback on my own original work, but i thought why the hell not. Worst come to worst nobody feels it and I go back to keeping my mouth shut.
Since I moved to Portland, i've started jamming with a LOT of different musicians going in a LOT of different directions, but I've still always had my own thing that I've been focused on and I've been doing a fair amount of home recording to get both my composition skills, my chops, and my production technique refined.

I'm into a lot of music, ranging from subtle acoustic folk to mathy experimental rock, to chilled out totally ambient soundscapes, to undeground hip hop, to modern minimalist classical. I've been focusing more on composition as a whole and less on what one instrument's playing. A large majority of ideas start out as guitar riffs, evolving from there - sometimes the guitar is completely absent in the final version.
to check out some of my stuff you can go to www.myspace.com/danmazuz


What i'm working on right now is this cool guitar riff I came up with a few weeks ago. I just kinda threw it together and it has a weird irregular rhythm to it, something I've been incorporating a lot more into my playing. I spent a bit of time working out a melody line to go on top. This was a few weeks ago. Now I was trying to work out a drum pattern that works, but doesn't sound too awkward or sporadic. I was hoping you guys could listen to it and tell me what you think, whether you like the general idea and/or if the parts go together. It's just a short little snippet, I promise it won't take much of your time!

see attached

 

[AGWAN]

Woah myspace has changed...

i dig your myspace stuff!

I hate the drums. they don't really make any sense, but I dig the guitar and even the Cymbals.

that drum just sounds wrong. to me.

 

[dNA]

Woah myspace has changed...

i dig your myspace stuff!

I hate the drums. they don't really make any sense, but I dig the guitar and even the Cymbals.

that drum just sounds wrong. to me.

haha. honesty; i can dig. glad you like my myspace stuff.
is it just the fake drum sound that you find so offputting? Do you think the drums don't suit the rhythm, or do you think the rhythm of the whole thing is whack?

 

[AGWAN]

Oh, I can live with fake Drums... I like Goth music so I'm used to living with it.

I have no real musical training, so I just trust my ears. the beat felt disjointed and unrelated to me

but also, the pitch felt additional, and not Complementary to the rest of the piece.


but... I don't have a clue how to fix it. or even properly explain my troubles with it...

I just know how to complain... :tard:

edit:

its really just the snare. its like the obnoxious guy standing behind a Live News Reporter... it adds nothing and it distracts.

 

[Cagey]

Sounds like Japanese modern jazz fusion, if there is such a thing. I kept my hands on my headphones in case I had to rip them off, because I was expecting Yoko to start caterwauling any second <grin>

Not that there's anything wrong with that...​

 

[AprioriMark]

Yeah, that's a very cool idea... except the drums.  Fake drums are fine when used as an intentional color, and those tones could work with this piece.  I just don't see them as a "cohesive thought" as they are now.  What function is each piece of the beat serving?  That's where I'd start looking at it.

-Mark

 

[dNA]

Thanks for the feedback guys! that snare was something I had mixed feelings about. I felt it was weird having just one snare hit in the course whole beat, but i tried just having a rim-hit on that beat and it didn't feel strong enough. I didn't find more places to put snare hits that felt appropriate though.

I always get comparisons to jazz and fusion and that kind of stuff, but my biggest influences are alt/indie rock bands. I'd love to have a driving drum feel underneath this like so:
[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gl9vGHVT_Xs[/youtube]

but it's not a straight forward rhythm in 4, and I'm not a drummer unfortunately. What usually makes these kinds of rhythms easier to follow is when there's something playing a constant beat underneath, like a metronome - it makes you able to feel the beat more unconsciously. but it can also make the beat feel too mechanical.
Essentially I recorded the guitar parts to a metronome track and I pieced together this drum beat afterwords. I mean what function does each piece of the beat serve? umm... I don't know. The point of the beat is to allow the listener to feel the same the sense of flowing rhythmic movement that i feel underlying what I'm playing.


i don't like Yoko Ono or caterwauling or japanese jazz fusion - but it's nice that i have my own thing going on and people don't say "this sounds like Radiohead" (which i secretly wish it did. Radiohead is God).