Bass Player Jokes

[alexreinhold]

If anyone feels offended, just grab a guitar and you'll be healed.

 

[mayfly]

I've found it to be the opposite - the bass player pulls all the girls/guys (I have a female bass player).

But, here's my bassist joke:

The guitar player and lead signer show up at the rehearsal space to see the bass player chasing the drummer around the room.  When they asked what was going on, the bass player said "He turned one of my tuning keys - and he won't  tell me which one!"   :headbang:

 

[alexreinhold]

I currently play in only one band - and I am the bass player 

 

[Rick]

In the USA it's usually the banjo player that gets joked or if you show up at a jam with a non standard git. I showed up at a jam with my Adamas and was asked is that a canoe paddle.  Said never heard that before.

 

[ghotiphry]

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A: The bass player.

 

[ghotiphry]

A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the E string."

The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the A string."

The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, "So did you learn the D string today?"

"Nope. Today I had a gig."

 

[ghotiphry]

An orchestra which had 4 double basses was doing Beethoven's 9th. This is a 55 minute song and there is a 20 minute section of no bass. The conductor demanded that the bassists leave the pit for that 20 minutes. One of the bassists comes up with a great idea of going across the street during the break and downing a few shots at the bar. All 4 of them had several shots when one noticed that it was at the 19 minute mark and they were going to be late. The first bassist says, "Don't worry. I took a string and tied it around the score. When the conductor gets to that page he will have to untie the string and that will slow him down." When the bassists get back the conductor was pissed because it was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.

 

[Jebberz]

How can you make a loud bass player play softer?

Put a score in front of him.

 

[alexreinhold]

Interesting to see cultural differences. All jokes from US-based people here are about inability to play whereas we Europeans are 100% convinced that bass players never get laid. When I picked up the bass for my current band, it was predicted that I will be automatically divorced after the first rehearsal (and forever single).

 

[mayfly]

Not my experience at all!  My bass player pulls 'em for every gig.  'Course, she is smoking hot...

 

[Rick]

Bass players do pretty well in that department, and if it's a she, you've hit a gold mine.

Not a bass player joke, but what do you call a banjo player without a girlfriend ... Homeless!

 

[ghotiphry]

Interesting to see cultural differences. All jokes from US-based people here are about inability to play whereas we Europeans are 100% convinced that bass players never get laid. When I picked up the bass for my current band, it was predicted that I will be automatically divorced after the first rehearsal (and forever single).

Just keeping it family friendly.

 

[alexreinhold]

Bass players do pretty well in that department, and if it's a she, you've hit a gold mine.

Not my experience at all!  My bass player pulls 'em for every gig.  'Course, she is smoking hot...

I can 100% see that!

Just keeping it family friendly.

Not my strong suit  :icon_jokercolor:

 

[BroccoliRob]

why didnt anyone show up to band practice?

guitarist was arguing about holdsworth chord voicing online

Drummer was still tuning his Tom's after 9 hours

Bass player was in tears after watching one Thundercat video

[YouTube]https://youtu.be/fX3AQfYZiJo[/YouTube]


singer was either getting laid, doing heroin, or both

 

[aarontunes]

A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the E string."

The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the A string."

The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, "So did you learn the D string today?"

"Nope. Today I had a gig."

Well....that is my usual go-to bassist joke, so I got nothing. Although I usually deliver the punchline like this:

The kid finally gets home from his third lesson three hours late, reeking of alcohol and nicotine. Dad shouts "where have you been?"

Kid says "Oh, sorry dad. I had a gig."

 

[Lbpesq]

The famous explorer had assembled a large safari to explore deep in the jungle where few men or women had ever ventured.  On the second day out, they started to hear drums in the distance.  As they proceeded, the steady drumming became louder and louder.  The foreperson of the group informed the lead explorer that the native workers were getting skittish about the drums.  By the next day, their fear was palpable.  On the fourth day, the foreperson told the explorer that the workers were all but ready to flee.  The explorer responded that the steady drum beat was nothing to fear.  The foreperson replied that it wasn’t the drums that scared the workers but, rather, they were terrified of what would happen when the drumming stopped.  The explorer inquired,”what happens when the drums stop?”, to which the foreperson replied “bass solo”.

Bill, tgo

 

[Cowbell Fever!]

Alex, I don't want to ruin the current dynamic of your band, but as the bass player I know you secretly feel that you are just as good or better than the current rhythm guitarist and that maybe THEY outta switch to bass.  :laughing7:

 

[ghotiphry]

A boy came home from his first bass lesson. His dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the E string."

The boy came home from his second lesson and dad asked him how it went. "Today we learned the A string."

The boy came home from his third lesson. Dad asked, "So did you learn the D string today?"

"Nope. Today I had a gig."

Well....that is my usual go-to bassist joke, so I got nothing. Although I usually deliver the punchline like this:

The kid finally gets home from his third lesson three hours late, reeking of alcohol and nicotine. Dad shouts "where have you been?"

Kid says "Oh, sorry dad. I had a gig."

Well... your version is better.

 

[Lbpesq]

Bill, tgo

 

[stratamania]

I knew a bass player who said he drove an Audi and placed an ad for session work to promote his "four string pluck technique".