Awesome CL post - Ironic band members wanted
- Thread starter smjenkins
- Start date
jackthehack
Epic Member
- Messages
- 5,630
I couldn't resist...
To:comm-7qkxt-2185820140@craigslist.org
Subj.: Guitar/Keyboard Player Gig
Dear Ironic Dude;
I'm your man. I'm simultaneously both ironic AND iconic, and was considered both ironic/a hipster prior your conception.
You can check out a bare modicum some of what I'm capable of at these websites:
http://jackthehack.com
http://amberjackmusic.com
If the girl singer's at least as hot as the stripper the http://amberjackmusic.com is dedicated to, you won't have any worries about the "band drama" deal, but ironiacally, unfortunately YOU'LL be the one writing the sappy love songs about ripping your heart out, as my game is superior to all, much less your's, obviously.
If you check out my friends on my Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1353335852, most of them are strippers and several can carry a tune better than Katy Perry/Kei$ha/Lady Gaga, but ironically that bar's been lowered to the ground in the last decade. I digress, but could come up with a female front person that could produce major sales/publicity ironically based almost entirely on major boobage and presentation after being fed a half dozen chocolate martinis, wound up and put before the media.
I also play keyboards and currently have a Korg Triton Le 88, should we come to some agreement I'd have to pick up a Hammond B-3 and Leslie 122 rig to supplement that. Hopefully you're still young and have a strong back as you'll be the one schlupping that rig around ironically as I have to save what's left of my poor back to service strippers that are ironically younger than one of my ex-step-daughters on average.
I don't have any Russian import guitars from the 70's-80's, I primarily build my own custom guitars from Warmoth parts but have a heavily hot rodded '64 Gibson Melody Maker and this axe made from a piece of barn:
http://www.unofficialwarmoth.com/index.php?topic=13524.0; would either be ironic enough/work?
I just got my W-2, counting a 5% 401K contribution, I made $108,766.35 last year; you will need to have financial resources sufficient to let a 10 year no-cut/guaranteed contract in that amount plus the ironic inevitable cost-of-living increases based on the official CPI index. I'm going to guess that your parents could probably stand the guarantee as ironically you don't seem to be doing much with the college fund they set up for you these days.
Ironically, as to your "Founding Fathers" idea, after a hard weekend of Tangueray/Bordeaux/stimulants/strippers, I could actually pass for one...
Please contact me at your convenience, however ironic, to proceed further on this matter...
Jack!
To:comm-7qkxt-2185820140@craigslist.org
Subj.: Guitar/Keyboard Player Gig
Dear Ironic Dude;
I'm your man. I'm simultaneously both ironic AND iconic, and was considered both ironic/a hipster prior your conception.
You can check out a bare modicum some of what I'm capable of at these websites:
http://jackthehack.com
http://amberjackmusic.com
If the girl singer's at least as hot as the stripper the http://amberjackmusic.com is dedicated to, you won't have any worries about the "band drama" deal, but ironiacally, unfortunately YOU'LL be the one writing the sappy love songs about ripping your heart out, as my game is superior to all, much less your's, obviously.
If you check out my friends on my Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=1353335852, most of them are strippers and several can carry a tune better than Katy Perry/Kei$ha/Lady Gaga, but ironically that bar's been lowered to the ground in the last decade. I digress, but could come up with a female front person that could produce major sales/publicity ironically based almost entirely on major boobage and presentation after being fed a half dozen chocolate martinis, wound up and put before the media.
I also play keyboards and currently have a Korg Triton Le 88, should we come to some agreement I'd have to pick up a Hammond B-3 and Leslie 122 rig to supplement that. Hopefully you're still young and have a strong back as you'll be the one schlupping that rig around ironically as I have to save what's left of my poor back to service strippers that are ironically younger than one of my ex-step-daughters on average.
I don't have any Russian import guitars from the 70's-80's, I primarily build my own custom guitars from Warmoth parts but have a heavily hot rodded '64 Gibson Melody Maker and this axe made from a piece of barn:
http://www.unofficialwarmoth.com/index.php?topic=13524.0; would either be ironic enough/work?
I just got my W-2, counting a 5% 401K contribution, I made $108,766.35 last year; you will need to have financial resources sufficient to let a 10 year no-cut/guaranteed contract in that amount plus the ironic inevitable cost-of-living increases based on the official CPI index. I'm going to guess that your parents could probably stand the guarantee as ironically you don't seem to be doing much with the college fund they set up for you these days.
Ironically, as to your "Founding Fathers" idea, after a hard weekend of Tangueray/Bordeaux/stimulants/strippers, I could actually pass for one...
Please contact me at your convenience, however ironic, to proceed further on this matter...
Jack!
Jusatele
Hero Member
- Messages
- 2,953
Damn Jack, you beat me to it, I read his post last night and was laughing my ass off but decided to sleep on the answer. Now you have written a huge response and I feel mine will pale by comparison..
but let me do a beta version
Dear Aspiring Bass player
I am answering the Craigslist add you posted about forming a Epic band. I think that you are on to something in your ideas so I ask a few things
Are you old enough to get into a bar?
Are you able to play more than 2 songs on your bass and neither of them are smoke on the water?
Do you want to spend 40 hours a week to come up with a band with usable material and then just gig 2 times a year and call yourself serious?
Do you really think that clothes make a band?
I feel you need to get laid the first time and write about how she ripped your heart out by not calling you the next day
stop laying on your bed with your bass in your hands dreaming of playing out and start actually practicing on it.
and get together with a few friends after school with your instruments and start a garage band so you can actually get some experience.
however I am sure you will find the band you desire, and I am offering my services to come over and teach yo all how to tune your instruments, how to set the knobs on your amps, how to arrange a drum set so it is playable and how to read a song chart. Just call me once you have found your guys and I will not be to much of a drain to your funds.
but let me do a beta version
Dear Aspiring Bass player
I am answering the Craigslist add you posted about forming a Epic band. I think that you are on to something in your ideas so I ask a few things
Are you old enough to get into a bar?
Are you able to play more than 2 songs on your bass and neither of them are smoke on the water?
Do you want to spend 40 hours a week to come up with a band with usable material and then just gig 2 times a year and call yourself serious?
Do you really think that clothes make a band?
I feel you need to get laid the first time and write about how she ripped your heart out by not calling you the next day
stop laying on your bed with your bass in your hands dreaming of playing out and start actually practicing on it.
and get together with a few friends after school with your instruments and start a garage band so you can actually get some experience.
however I am sure you will find the band you desire, and I am offering my services to come over and teach yo all how to tune your instruments, how to set the knobs on your amps, how to arrange a drum set so it is playable and how to read a song chart. Just call me once you have found your guys and I will not be to much of a drain to your funds.
S
swarfrat
Guest
Where did they put the :satire: smiley?
