TDPRI: Sense of Humor Required
- Thread starter Mor Paul
- Start date
What I sent my two bosses a few days ago:
~~~~~~~~~~
Gents,
In an effort to comply with your recently enacted shop beautification mandates, my desk top, and the area around my desk will no longer be a surrogate repository for boxes containing merchandise, most of which is dubious in nature.
Please inform your sales staff to place boxes of returned merchandise on the warranty shelf - in the warehouse. Since all of our gnomes and elves have been on strike for some time, your sales staff will have to list each part number and the quantity of each item on a warranty form. The customers name, the date and the contact phone number should also be present on the form. They should leave the YELLOW copy of the form in the box of merchandise. I will gladly accept the white copies of the form on my desk, or in my mailbox, although ideally, the customer should have been given one of the white copies.
You are well aware that I spend most days on the road visiting customers. Because of this, I have installed an automatic matter/antimatter transfer device, to automatically beam boxes left on and around my desk directly to the dumpster in my absence.
Many thanks
Charlie B
~~~~~~~~~~
Gents,
In an effort to comply with your recently enacted shop beautification mandates, my desk top, and the area around my desk will no longer be a surrogate repository for boxes containing merchandise, most of which is dubious in nature.
Please inform your sales staff to place boxes of returned merchandise on the warranty shelf - in the warehouse. Since all of our gnomes and elves have been on strike for some time, your sales staff will have to list each part number and the quantity of each item on a warranty form. The customers name, the date and the contact phone number should also be present on the form. They should leave the YELLOW copy of the form in the box of merchandise. I will gladly accept the white copies of the form on my desk, or in my mailbox, although ideally, the customer should have been given one of the white copies.
You are well aware that I spend most days on the road visiting customers. Because of this, I have installed an automatic matter/antimatter transfer device, to automatically beam boxes left on and around my desk directly to the dumpster in my absence.
Many thanks
Charlie B
O
OzziePete
Guest
Love the Australian one Max. :headbang1: :laughing3: :laughing3:
Problem is: there are some folks who DO ask these type of questions.
Generally speaking, Australia has a culture very much like England and America. But we have a different attitude to sport, some of which most folks haven't seen before. A must-see for any visitor to Australia is a typically Aussie thing like an Australian Rules Football match in Victoria (our winter_, or something like our Melbourne Cup day (first Tuesday in November).
Be assured, most wildlife lives, surprisingly, in the wild - not the suburbs, although you could be forgiven for misunderstanding that on a Friday or Saturday night in some parts of the cities.
However, you can come across Possums in suburbs that have good tree growth and some vegetation or back onto a nature reserve or the like. Possums are generally harmless unless you corner one in the roof cavity of your house when you go to investigate what all the racket upstairs is about.
We have a heap of spiders that intrigue most visitors until they realise the ones with the red stripe on their back are poisonous and the ones with the white tip on the lower body also can make you pretty crook. Not to mention the 'Sydney' Funnel Web Spider, which can kill. But there are a heap of harmless ones that frighten the bejesus out of people by stringing big webs across walking tracks in bushy areas.
Snakes, we have a heap of 'em. If you see one best to leave it alone. Please. Local medical emergency centres do not need the practice of administering anti venom, they get enough work at that during the hotter months when the snakes can get about. But they are rarely seen in suburbia and not at all in built up areas. Go to a reptile park and ask the experts if you are curious. Just because you have seen Steve Irwin on TV diving all over a snake without little worry, do not think you can do the same.
No we do not have hippos, but we do have the wonderful wombat. Digs holes that can swallow a horse - or at least snap their legs in a bad fall (true), and can be responsible for some serious subsidence issues in some residences in the bush. Lovely little fellows, but can be a nuisance if you wander about late at night in the bush, as they resemble a mobile doorstop! Nothing more disturbing than taking a walk in the open paddock and then suddenly you trip over something that grunts!
The wombat is not to be confused with the feral pig, which is still a nuisance in some rural areas. Tripping over a sleeping feral pig in the dark in an open paddock, is not as funny afterwards as tripping over a wombat. Wombats turn and run, they may take a scratch or two at you but generally they'll shy away. Pigs will tear your leg apart.
Right now, on TV sport, we have the cricket season starting which is good fun for the North American visitors to watch. A Cricket Test last 5 days, four innings and countless balls bowled (pitched). Good luck getting a decent explanation of the leg before wicket laws in cricket, even most umpires and players have trouble with that interpretation!
To feel real Aussie, go to the pub around lunch time on any weekend, watch the cricket and stay till 6 PM. Drink a heap of beer whilst watching the cricket. When the LBW laws start making sense, it's time to go home.
Problem is: there are some folks who DO ask these type of questions.
Generally speaking, Australia has a culture very much like England and America. But we have a different attitude to sport, some of which most folks haven't seen before. A must-see for any visitor to Australia is a typically Aussie thing like an Australian Rules Football match in Victoria (our winter_, or something like our Melbourne Cup day (first Tuesday in November).
Be assured, most wildlife lives, surprisingly, in the wild - not the suburbs, although you could be forgiven for misunderstanding that on a Friday or Saturday night in some parts of the cities.
However, you can come across Possums in suburbs that have good tree growth and some vegetation or back onto a nature reserve or the like. Possums are generally harmless unless you corner one in the roof cavity of your house when you go to investigate what all the racket upstairs is about.
We have a heap of spiders that intrigue most visitors until they realise the ones with the red stripe on their back are poisonous and the ones with the white tip on the lower body also can make you pretty crook. Not to mention the 'Sydney' Funnel Web Spider, which can kill. But there are a heap of harmless ones that frighten the bejesus out of people by stringing big webs across walking tracks in bushy areas.
Snakes, we have a heap of 'em. If you see one best to leave it alone. Please. Local medical emergency centres do not need the practice of administering anti venom, they get enough work at that during the hotter months when the snakes can get about. But they are rarely seen in suburbia and not at all in built up areas. Go to a reptile park and ask the experts if you are curious. Just because you have seen Steve Irwin on TV diving all over a snake without little worry, do not think you can do the same.
No we do not have hippos, but we do have the wonderful wombat. Digs holes that can swallow a horse - or at least snap their legs in a bad fall (true), and can be responsible for some serious subsidence issues in some residences in the bush. Lovely little fellows, but can be a nuisance if you wander about late at night in the bush, as they resemble a mobile doorstop! Nothing more disturbing than taking a walk in the open paddock and then suddenly you trip over something that grunts!
The wombat is not to be confused with the feral pig, which is still a nuisance in some rural areas. Tripping over a sleeping feral pig in the dark in an open paddock, is not as funny afterwards as tripping over a wombat. Wombats turn and run, they may take a scratch or two at you but generally they'll shy away. Pigs will tear your leg apart.
Right now, on TV sport, we have the cricket season starting which is good fun for the North American visitors to watch. A Cricket Test last 5 days, four innings and countless balls bowled (pitched). Good luck getting a decent explanation of the leg before wicket laws in cricket, even most umpires and players have trouble with that interpretation!
To feel real Aussie, go to the pub around lunch time on any weekend, watch the cricket and stay till 6 PM. Drink a heap of beer whilst watching the cricket. When the LBW laws start making sense, it's time to go home.
Nando Vallart
Epic Member
- Messages
- 8,256
Very funny :laughing7:
We are used with people trying to see Amazonia in São Paulo or Rio de Janeiro city, to say the least :toothy12:
Really like the answers too!!!
Pete, you forgot about the spider that can eat birds :sad:
I hate insects!! Phobia!
We are used with people trying to see Amazonia in São Paulo or Rio de Janeiro city, to say the least :toothy12:
Really like the answers too!!!
Pete, you forgot about the spider that can eat birds :sad:
I hate insects!! Phobia!
O
OzziePete
Guest
arty07:I forgot to mention that Australia is vast country with a lot of variation in geography. The eastern coast line is the most populated area and where a lot of the iconic typically Australian suburbia and metropolitan action is. The northern part of Australia is tropical on the coast line and barren inland.
In the middle is a lot of desert and hard country to live in. Whatever you do, do not attempt to walk from Perth-Sydney along the train lines. A good chance of dying doing that. Only the genuine locals - and indigenous locals at that - could survive the vast inland arid area. The western european farmers and 'locals' tend to stick very close to their 4WD and water bottle.
Because of the huge variety of terrain, the wildlife varies too. Up north you have the rainforest area and big spiders like the bird eating spider and the taipan snake, in the more desert areas, you have animals like the huge goannas, feral camels and small marsupial wildlife. On the plains areas you could see a mob of the big red kangaroos, but on the eastern coastline you'd see the eastern grey kangaroo - a smaller variety.
We have areas that are pretty much untouched by european settlement like Kakadu in the far north and also the north western area of Australia is sparsely populated. Places like Darwin, Cairns and Townsville are vastly different to say Sydney or Melbourne.
But most folks, as I said earlier, live in suburbia in the major cities. There's also a network of rural regional areas and cities that serve those communities.
Being able to drive is a huge bonus for anyone - there is a lot of distance to travel to get anywhere and you have troubles getting connections if travelling by public transport. BTW, we drive in the English style, so the North American people will have some anxiety about driving on the wrong side of the road - to them! :icon_thumright:
Return of Guitlouie
Senior Member
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- 359
Hilarious. I have been a manager at the place I work for a long time, and as such, I get incredible questions from both customers and employees all the time. I have developed a very keen sense as to when someone will accept a smart-assed retort, and when it is best to leave it alone. A personal favorite: Teen girl: "What is the difference between your chicken salad and your tuna sald?" Me "one used to swim, the other just sort of walked around the farmyard."
I visited Australia when I was about 13 years old and loved every minute of it. I was actually so smitten that I asked my parents if we could move there. At the time I remember thinking to myself that it was like America, only friendly.
I visited Australia when I was about 13 years old and loved every minute of it. I was actually so smitten that I asked my parents if we could move there. At the time I remember thinking to myself that it was like America, only friendly.
Reminds me of a painting I was doing for an album cover - asked the client how big he needed the file for reproduction.
He answered "Oh, it'll be square shaped" :icon_thumright:
Anyway, funny stuff - I like the Australia stuff haha. I really hope I can go over there some day, it seems like a gorgeous place.
He answered "Oh, it'll be square shaped" :icon_thumright:
Anyway, funny stuff - I like the Australia stuff haha. I really hope I can go over there some day, it seems like a gorgeous place.
OzziePete said:
The spiders are the only things that make me nervous. My mom once had a brown recluse infestation in her house and that made me pretty paranoid about checking shoes, towels, blankets, beds, etc..... for itsy bitsy little crawlies that can mess you up. My wife might have a chance to travel there for business and wanted to know if I'd like to go too. That would be great if someone could check for spiders for me. I wouldn't mind waiting in the pub.
Return of Guitlouie
Senior Member
- Messages
- 359
Well, this was my thirteen year old, raised in New England mind thinking this. NC, is quite different from where I lived as a young lad.
Super Turbo Deluxe Custom
Epic Member
- Messages
- 8,318
My sense of Australia is that there a 50 things in your backyard that can kill you.
I worked with a guy that lived there during his elementary school years. He said the flies were ridiculous. When he first moved there, he thought everyone was so friendly because they were always waving. They were swatting at flies. When he moved back, it took he and his family weeks to stop doing that. It was a reflex.
I worked with a guy that lived there during his elementary school years. He said the flies were ridiculous. When he first moved there, he thought everyone was so friendly because they were always waving. They were swatting at flies. When he moved back, it took he and his family weeks to stop doing that. It was a reflex.
O
OzziePete
Guest
Super Turbo Deluxe Custom said:
AAAh yes! The Great Australian Wave. Flies are every where, but for some reason much worse in rural areas. Our blow flies would have to be one of the most annoying insects in the world.
Super Turbo Deluxe Custom said:
Like in Texas???? :icon_biggrin:
the first half year I lived here, I always checked my shoes before putting them on.. I still think the person \who told me so was playing a prank on me
she told me it was completely possible that there would be a brown recluse or some other poisonous insect in my shoe :tard:Similar threads
